Try these

Here are some things for Trevor to blow instead of saves:


That's just the tip of the iceberg baby.

Two Time Winner

O to the M to the G. We have our very first two time winner of the Jerk Stamp!

Ladies and Gentelmen, I give you Mr. Trevor Hoffman!
Why? YOU KNOW WHY! Way to blow not one but two, two! more saves! You are a jerk!

And even among all the piss poor baseball that's been going on we've got a stud. Oh, yes we do.


The one and only Bob Uecker. The best of luck to you kind sir as you head into heart surgery tomorrow. I look forward to hearing you call games once again in a few months while I'm sitting in my car on my break.

And speaking of studs! I would be remiss if I didn't share this dandy of another Brewers legend.
Yes that is none other then Robin Yount. He's flashing some radio hosts. Why? I'm not sure, something to do with strippers, but it's funny.

I should find a picture of a current Brewer showing some skin, then I'd have eye delights for all ages! We've got your geriatric crowd with Bob (he's 75...!!!), the baby boomers with Robin and then generation X or Y or whatever the hell it is for the rest of us! Perhaps some other day I will find one and post. Oh, the modern miracles of the internet. I've got one of JJ Hardy but since he's no longer a Brewer he doesn't count. ...He's looking at me right now while wearing a swim suit. ...How you doin'? Oh that's right! I've already posted it!

Hey what do you know! The Brewers are losing! Come on guys. Get your shit together.

Welcome to the 'pen.

Jeff Suppan has been sent out to pasture.
Ok he's been sent to the bulllpen. But I can dream can't I?

Here's how I imagine how it went in the bullpen when Jeff went there to sit during the game yesterday.

Jeff- (walks in) Hey guys! (grumbles of hellos, goes to sit by Manny Parra)
Manny-Seat's taken.
Jeff-Excuse me?
Manny-Seat's taken. (slides over)
Jeff-O...k. (walks, tries to sit by Todd Coffey)
Todd-Taken.
Jeff-What the..! Why?! Why are these seat's taken? I'm the last guy to get here!
Todd-We're a superstitious bunch.
Jeff-Meaning?
Todd-Meaning we don't want your current, uh, situation to rub off on us.
Jeff- It was two starts! Two! How can you judge me on that?! (Manny and Todd avoid eye contact, Jeff sighs) Fine. Who am I supposed to sit by then? (Manny nods down the bench, Trevor Hoffman and LaTroy Hawkins wave happily at him, Jeff walks down, sits)
Trevor-OMG Jeff! Hi!
Jeff- (taken back) Wow hi.
Trevor-Welcome to the 'pen!!!!! It's so much fun out here! We get to sit around and watch the game.
Jeff- I did that when I was a starter.
LaTroy-(snarky) Maybe that's why you were sent out here...
Jeff-Hey! I meant four out of five days that's what I'd do.
Trevor- That's not the same. This is a way cooler gig. Plus we don't have to hang around all those position players. (Carlos Villanueva appears out of nowhere)
Carlos- TELL ME WHAT IT'S LIKE!
Jeff- Tell you what what's like?
Carlos-BEING A STARTER!
Jeff-Why are you yelling?
Carlos-TELL ME!
Jeff-Carlos, you were a starter once.
Carlos-...(looks around) CLADIO! (Cladio Vargas looks over. Get's up and runs away) CLADIO! (disappears)
Jeff-What in the...
Trevor-Naw, he's cool man.
Seth McClung- Hey man. Don't sweat it. The bullpen isn't that bad.
Jeff- WTF. You're not even on the team any more!
Seth-Shhhh. (looks around) They think I'm Todd Coffey.
Jeff-But he's sitting right there. (points)
Seth-But if I sit over here no one notices.
Jeff- ... I have got to get out of here.
Carlos-(reappears, in Jeff's ear) Good luck man.
Jeff-What the...

Ok so that really wasn't that entertaining. Meh.

Unbiased

I don't ever want to be accused of being bias towards the Brewers and/or my favorite player. So (Ok that's a total lie. I'm biased to the Brewers.) But last night Craig Counsell made a bit of a blunder on the basepathes that stopped what might have been a bit of a glimmering hope for the Crew. So today, he sucks for that.
I'm sorry. It's called tough love, deal with it. Though snaps to him on producing the only run of the game! See he did something good and then he did something bad, got thrown out easily at third for the last out of the inning. That's a big ol' no-no according to Rock. And I believe what Rock says when it comes to baseball.

Now for something completely unrelated...I know right? Something not Brewers related? Shocking!

Anyway, I was chillin' with Addisyn for a little bit the other day and I love that the girl is smart! I know babies are a whole heck of a lot smarter then we give them credit for but to actually see it is fun. You say bye bye! and she starts to wave. She found a hair tie the other day and what did she do? She started to pull at her hair like "hey you! Yeah you! I know where that goes! It goes right here!" You give her a phone she puts it up to her ear and starts to babble. Though she always puts it up there backwards... I was sitting on the floor and picked up her shoes and put them on my feet-well my toe- she took it off my toe, sat down handed it to me and held up her leg wanting me to put it on her. It's just so damn cute!

She says thank you when it's appropriate. You have something she wants she'll hold out her hand, you give it to her and it's "tant too!" Such a polite little girl! I love the palms up shrug she does when you ask her a question like "Addisyn! Where is the puppy?" She looks at you and shrugs. She had Tyler's hat while I was holding her so she tried to put it on my head. She'll give you a hug and a kiss if you ask for it which is perhaps the best thing of all. Though it looks like she's trying to bite your face off when she gives you a kiss but it's alright. I don't know what her filter is but to some people if you ask for a kiss she'll put her cheek out for that person to kiss and for another she'll give one to.

She's just so ridiculously adorable at times it hurts.

There's bad and then there's Jeff Suppan.

The game isn't even over but yes Jeff Suppan, you have earned the Jerk Stamp.
Put your thumb down you goon! I wish I could be guaranteed a ton of money and then suck and be like "haha! Screw you! You're stuck with me now, suckas!"

But let's not forget the good. The Brewers offense was superb the last three days...until now. Ugh. But let's celebrate the past by awarding the Stud Stamp to the offense!

Oh you boys. You suck, then I hate you. Your good and then I love you. What an emotional roller coaster you put me on!

Geez.

Oh and here's just a hilarious picture of Tim Lincecum from the Giants.
If I lived anywhere near San Francisco or had the money to up and go, I would've went to this game. A Giants Snuggie! Bad. Ass.

Stud!

So I got to thinking. I should really have a positive stamp for when the Brewers do good. And so I made one. Welcome the Stud Stamp to my dangerous repertoire.

OK so in all honesty I'm not a fan of the word stud. It makes me think of "Saved by the Bell" way to much. But I couldn't come up with a better word. I thought sexy, hot stuff, and things like that but it didn't really work. So reluctantly I went with stud.

And say hello to the recent recipients of the very non-prestigious stud stamp award!
In this corner we have the wispy Whitefish Bay native Craig Counsell for hitting a grand slam on Sunday!

And in the other corner we have the lumberjack in the offseason, David Bush! Who's pitching last night finally made the Brewers starting rotation look like a major league squad!And yes keen observer that is not a picture from last nights game. The one I found would just be cruel to post. He looked terrible. I think it should be outlawed to post pictures of pitchers mid toss. Their faces always look messed up.

There you have it! Keep your excitement at a minimum. It will be difficult to do.

A little late but...

Here are the Jerk of the Day award winners from Wednesday.

First we have Senor Ken Macha for not pulling LaTroy Hawkins in the 8th
And then Mr. Hawkins himself for giving up all those runs with two outs. Yeah. You're a jerk mister. A big ol Jerk.


And who notices the subtle change to the jerk stamp? Good.

Ups and Downs

You know what the start of the Brewers season means?

Well yes lots of Brewers posts. No that's not going to change any.

It means you once again are lucky enough to be subjected to my sweet, sweet Photoshoped pictures.

Behold!

Why yes Trevor Hoffman! Your two blown saves already have earned you the Jerk of the Day Award!
Luckily Mr. McGehee was there to save the day.

And then today it was Doug Davis.

Contain your excitement! I know your super stoked to see that I've added the Jerk of the Day feature in addition to the jackass guy. I don't know why I decided on Jerk of the Day but let me tell you, that damn little stamp thing took me a while to make in Photoshop! It'll probably see some tweaking soon but I was getting frustrated by it.

Opening Daaaaaaaaaay!

Oh my goodness I can't believe I haven't blogged about Opening Day!

In one word it was amazing. Sure they lost which took away from it a little bit but come on, it was mutha f-ing Opening Day! That alone makes the day 100x better. Plus it was a gorgeous day, there was good food and good company and Craig Counsell played a few innings. Whaaaaat!

There's nothing like being drunk before noon let me tell you. Though I am out of drinking shape. I should have started my spring training earlier. I got all summer to get there.

Anyway. What's there to say about Opening Day besides it's the Christmas of Spring. It's Yom Kippur to those who worship baseball. I guess that makes Opening Week Passover. Though shit son, like hell I'm going to refrain from drinking beer during that week.
Right. I don't know why I'm going with the religious references.
Oh. I also might have bought myself a nice present at the game. ...ahehehehehe. It makes me smile.

Ok. Here's some pictures from the day:

Look! It's the Happiest Place on Earth! Miller Park!
The view from our seats.


Braun batting.

Look who it iiiiiiissssss!

Yaaaaaaayyyy! He almost hit a home run which means I almost peed my pants.


Oh Brewers, how I miss you during the winter time!

Though you know what I don't miss? Them losing. For real Trevor Hoffman? Two out with two strikes in the 9th and you give up a two run homer that lets the Cardinals take the lead? Are you kidding me? Though the symmetry of it all is quite pleasing. Lots of twos. But the loss isn't. Win today boys.