Hey Ch-ch-changes!

(Totally sung that like Aerosmith's hey ja-ja-jaded!)

Anyway. Changes. I'm in desperate need to them. In all aspects of my life. I'm quite dissatisfied with the way it's going right now. Not like weirdly depressed I'm gonna end it all dissatisfied but just, what the hell is going on? I'm just. Ugh! Fed up with myself in so many ways. And I want to change that feeling of being fed up. It's a feeling I have difficulties describing. I've just become too passive and I'm settling for mere satisfaction when I should be striving. Holy crap, total call back to the class World of Ideas. But it's totally true. I need something. I need to stop floating by in this state and start to participate.

I am so sick of not knowing what I want or not going after what I do. I don't speak for myself and I let others dictate what I do and I don't want that any more. I just, I need something to change. I don't know what that something is though. That's problematic. I need to find something, anything. I am completely at a loss of what I want to do with my life. Sure being a journalist sounds alright but honestly is it what I truly want to do day in day out? Yes if I can get into opinion writing and commentaries, hell I'd be all for covering baseball but if I have to cover city hall then no. I can't see myself doing that and that spells trouble. I'm in trouble, with a capital t that rhymes with g as in gee I'm screwed. (stole that from the Emmy's last time Conan hosted) I just don't know and I think uncertainty is dragging me down.

I'm in need of something. Maybe I should take a year off, pack up and move some place new. Yeah right. No that isn't going to happen. Though living in the Keys working on a pier selling sea shell artwork to tourists sounds slightly appealing.

I don't know where I heard it or where I read it I'm thinking it might have been a TV show but really I'm drawing a blank, anyways, who ever it was said you should be what you wake up in the morning and think of. That makes sense. My problem is when I wake up in the morning I'm lost in my dreams and daydreams. Maybe that means I should be a dreamer? I already I am. I fill notebooks with nonsense that probably would mean nothing to anyone else but mean a lot to me. I spend my time, even when I know that I should be doing something else, writing. But not in a journalistic sense in a story way. No, more of a screenplay way but still. So at least it's good I chose a major where I get to write right? Yeah. Sure.

I just need some sort of change. I need to get away. I'm 21 and I'm already feeling dragged down. That shouldn't be happening.

I'm thinking of changing my hair color, but I'm not entirely sure it's related to my revamp I'm going for. Maybe. I'm thinking of going to a shade of brown since my blonde is pretty brown as is. I also need to get it cut. Yikes.

Alllllllllllright. Enough of that.

Oh! I totally think at work there should be a policy of being able to slap people when they ask really, really dumb questions. A lady the other day, "Do you honor expired coupons?" Me: slowly look up at woman with "are you fucking serious" look? good thing I didn't answer and the bagger did. HONESTLY WOMAN! I wanted to wait her out and have her realize how dumb of a question that was. She's like the people who when I'm standing there with my light off, sign up saying closed, getting the stuff put away and ask if they can come to the line. I give them the look of no you moron. You can't. And yes, I do get a slight feeling of satisfaction when I reject people. I love it when they ask like they have an in, like I'm gonna say yes. "oh I can just come here quick can't I?" and start to walk down lane. Me? No sorry I'm closed. And if they say it'll be quick I say sorry but I'm done. And walk away.

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Time to do something else.
Catch you on the flip side, homes.