I'm not cut out for this...

I've come to terms with myself. I am not cut out to be a city reporter.

Why? Well thank you for asking! I've broke it down to 50 percent of it is being shy and my irrational distaste for the telephone. I hate calling people! Hate it! I don't like calling my grandparents for god sakes why would I want to call the public works department? The other is a mixture of a quasi cynical/pessimistic/whatever outlook. Some of this stuff I have to cover makes me stop and say "what in the frak attack is with this?" Seriously? Do I seriously need to write 500 words on what's to be painted on a tower? Do I need give the public in depth information on the snow plow the city isn't buying? My attitude on the last one is they're going to bitch a whole lot more then they might be now over fuel economy and emissions if it snows 20 inches and they can't get out of their house cause the city is down a plow. I just struggle with being impartial I guess. I assume way to much which might make an ass out of you and me but oh well. I've never wanted to be a city reporter. Not now at least. I could see it in a few years when I actually have some stakes in the game. Right now I don't pay any property taxes let alone for the city I'm covering so I don't give two shakes of a lambs tail (does that work here) about their budget. I guess I do in some regards but overall, nope.

I settled on sports because 1) it isn't hard hitting stuff. Sure it is to some people and it's one of the most read sections of the paper but in reality it's sports! 2) it is more fun. 3) It's sports!

But in all honesty I've always wanted to be a journalist who would write these long, beautiful somewhat snarky, somewhat thought provoking articles peppered with humor and sentiment about something I did. Sort of like editorial and opinion writing, sort of not. I want to write first person pieces. Not restaurant reviews or anything like that. Be a bit of a Mike Rowe ya know? Do something and then tell a story about it. But I don't want to spend my days around poo.

It would be like taking this blog to the next level. I'd get to keep my same writing style but I'd class it up some obviously. I've always wanted my own page. You know how in magazines people get their own pages. Rick Reilly had the last page of Sports Illustrated. When we got the subscription I might not have read anything from the whole issue but I always turned to the last page and read his articles. That's what I've wanted to do. And I don't know how to. I don't know where you go for that chance. I couldn't do it at the school paper cause to write in the opinion section you had to have a year of service to the paper and shit. I couldn't stand doing the crap I had to do to stick around a year. Sports was alright but there was about 14 of us so I rarely got any assignments.

I don't know. I really don't. I know what I don't want and I know what I want but I don't know how to do it. And that scares me.

Ok time for some Psych!