Let Down

I think there's two things that I beat myself up over the most. When I make myself seem foolish or stupid and when I disappoint myself.

It's one thing for another person to disappoint me. It's a fact of life. People disappoint. It's going to happen. But it is so different if it's someone else doing the disappointing then if I'm the one I disappoint. It is so much worse. It's that way because in damn near every instance a part of me has doubt. A part of me is second guessing but the rest of me is steaming full-throttle ahead. And then when that bitter moment of disappointment happens the little part of me that was hung from the start pipes up and I just want to scream. I should have known better. I knew from the start that this could happen but I just had to continue.

It's terrible. I don't like it one bit yet here it's happened and it'll continue to happen. That's just the way things go. It wouldn't be nearly as fun to play it safe all the time but in moments like these I wish I had.

This is why I don't like to make a big deal out of things. To get excited over things. I hate the let down. I hate feeling one minute on top of the world, thinking about all the potential, the future what could be and then the next minute-boom- let down.

Aye. Whatever.