Help Wanted: Apply in Person

Hi so, um, I've got a job opening for a guy.

See, I'm planning on going on vacation in about a month to Key West all by myself and I've realized even though it's possible to do I should hire a guy to put sun lotion on my back.

Have you ever tried to do it? You can but, maybe it is just me, I feel like I need to stretch before hand. I could honest to god pull a muscle while trying to get that one hard almost out of reach spot on my back. That and I worry about even slathering.I don't want to end up with dime size sun burn marks all over. That would be painful on top of being wildly unattractive. Do they make sunscreen that goes on purple or something so you can see easily where it's been then it fades away? If so I should purchase some. If not IT IS MY IDEA DON'T YOU DARE STEAL IT!

Actually what I really need is a personal cabana boy. Lotion me up, spritz me, get me a drink and some towels. I'd hire him on as a model so I could hire him solely for his looks and then fire him if he for some reason started to lack in that category. How he'd go from good looking to fireable in five days I'm not sure but I'd like to keep my options open.

I really don't have the money to pay form him but perhaps I'll pay his way? Though pay for his dinner might be pushing it. If I have no need for him at night I don't see why I have to pay for his evening meals. I could give him a $25 per diem. Eeesh. That might even be pushing it. Me footing the $900 for him to come along should be enough. He can have the complimentary continental breakfast and steal some to make it through the day since that is what I'm planing on doing. I'm cheap. I've got the money to spend, I just don't want to. 

Oh, have I not spoke about my solo vacation adventure? Pardon me, let me explain...

See, I really don't have friends. Ok, I do but not enough friends where I can go through a long list to find some to go on vacation with. I got it in my head that I'd like to actually go somewhere on vacation since I've got three weeks of it (!!!!!!!!!) so I shall. I had it down to DC, San Francisco and Key West. For a while I was totally leaning SF then one night at work while browsing a magazine I saw the decision maker. A beautiful beach with crystal blue water and clear skies. Ah, Key West. That right there sold me. And the fact that when I plan on going it's going to be Hemingway Days so how could I not go?

I need to book it soon but I need to know first if my planned vacation time is going to transfer to the new store when I transfer. Eventually.

I figure at the rate things are going they'll eventually transfer me in October. I was supposed to be gone after last week. Then it changed to Friday of this week being my last. Now I'll stay put through next week. I don't enjoy this slow peel of the C-Junc band-aid. Rip it off already and transfer me because this constant state of inconsistency is annoying. And a little painful. They're dragging it out because it's going to make it all the harder to leave when the time finally comes.

Speaking of work inflicted pain, I ran into a door about three times today and it hit my arm in the same spot all three times and now I've got a gnarly bruise. The color isn't great yet but if you feel it there is a big ol' bump. I can only hope the color comes in over night.

In my defense it isn't my fault I ran into the door three times. First time I did I fixed the problem. Second time a new problem had come up, fixed it. Third time, old problem came back up and caused me new pain.

Workers comp?