Total Blockage

So I've been charged with crafting the Christmas message this year.

I'm supposed to come up with the way to let people know that Tyler got hitched and oh, is going to have a baby!

It really shouldn't be difficult but I find that is sort of is. I'm trying for a certain balance and tone but can't quite get it. I think I might have it but I'm not 100 percent satisfied with it.

Writers block. What a bitch. They say you gotta have the end planned to break the block. The end has been planned! It isn't like I'm writing fiction.

Or it could be the pressure of finals that's getting to me. After all I cranked out a thirty page paper in probably 24 hours if you add it all up. I've had to write articles, I've had to write exams, I've had to study, I've blogged. I'm getting wrote out!

I did a mock news meets feature story on the wedding for inspiration. I think it helped a little in getting the block out. Now it's more of a partial one.

Speaking of blockage, I've ate a bag of popcorn the last three nights. Except I guess popcorn is sorta good for you? Better then chips at least. I LOVE burnt popcorn. I...I absolutely adore it. I don't know why but my mouth just waters at the thought of a charred kernel of corn! I know I'm in the minority on it but holy cats n' gowns! AMAZAZAZAING! But according to Briana if you eat too much popcorn it causes cancer. Well, she said it'd take a bag a day for 20 years but still!

When I write I lean my head on my right shoulder. Not all the time just when I write for a prolonged period of time. I wonder if it has something to do with which side of my brain I'm using. But I don't know what side of the brain is for writing.

Oh tiny morsels of charred goodness. Unleash your flavor of fire on to me.

You know Bear, of course you know Bear. Bear says that if you're in the wilderness, as I often find myself, if you eat something that upsets your tum tum you can snack on some charcoal from a fire to sooth the belly.

I also learned that from watching Emergency Vets on a regular basis in my youth. A dog would eat 14 pounds of bakers chocolate, rut roo Shaggy!, So they'd shove a tube down a dogs throat and pour in some charcoal solution.

I had a dream about having a dog last night. Then I made the mistake of googling black lab puppies and like a true idiot got overly giddy at the puppies with a bunch of "ooooh my goodness look at yoooooou!" in that sort of high pitched voice were it's a mix of baby talk and the voice of a person who chain smokes Parliaments. You know the voice, I know you do. Then I proceeded to melt into a puddle of goo.

Well, I don't really have to do anything until 6 tomorrow but I should really do something crazy like study or proofread.

Peace and popcorn grease.

And then the snow will turn to bullets

Holy crap. The Weather Channel does not mess around when it comes to weather advisories.

It's supposed to get snowy, icy and freezing all tonight so there are advisories out. Duh. But dang! They are so hard core sounding! Maybe half of it has to do with the fact it's all in caps but still.

AN EXCEPTIONALLY STRONG COLD FRONT TRAILING FROM THE LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL BLAST THROUGH SOUTHERN WISCONSIN THIS EVENING. AS THE FRONT PASSES THROUGH... TEMPERATURES WILL FALL SWIFTLY INTO THE 20S... AND EVENTUALLY DOWN TO THE SINGLE DIGITS BY MONDAY MORNING.

RAIN IS EXPECTED ALONG AND AHEAD OF THE FRONT. THE RAIN WILL CHANGE TO SNOW AS THE TEMPERATURES PLUMMET BEHIND THE FRONT.

SOUTHERN WISCONSIN WILL THEN BE IN A DEEP FREEZE... WITH HIGHS ON MONDAY ONLY CLIMBING INTO THE SINGLE DIGITS AND TEENS. WIND CHILL VALUES DURING THE AFTERNOON WILL BE BETWEEN 8 BELOW AND 18 BELOW ZERO ACROSS SOUTHERN WISCONSIN.

THOSE GOING OUTSIDE TONIGHT AND MONDAY SHOULD PREPARE FOR THE BITTER COLD CONDITIONS... AND WEAR PLENTY OF WARM CLOTHING TO COVER EXPOSED SKIN.

Blast through, plummeting temperatures! A DEEP FREEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Then they show they care by saying bundle up!

I guess I shouldn't really say anything. After all I did complain about use of soft language with "wintery mix" The Weather Channel has got their asses together and are using the scare tactic. Snaps Weather Channel, snaps!

Oooooooooooooooooooooh mio oh my-o oh Cleavland Ohio.

I'm on my 25th page of my paper. Don't worry, I'll be sure to post it here for everyone to see!

Not. I don't even want to read it.

Twenty five pages down and I'm probably gonna be able to squeeze out another two. I'm adding an appendix to include the current Obama staff picks up until this point. Whooppeeee!

Add in I'm guess two-three pages worth of sources, a title page, maybe a table of contents, this beast is gonna be over 30 pages.

My unplugging from the internet did work wonders. I got a whole lot more done then I would have if I stayed connected. Its officially has taken a trip to Nashville plus some to write the paper. How do I know such things? I started my Nashville playlist from this summer at like 3 yesterday and listened to it pretty much the whole time while writing and I listened to the last song about about 4. Now I'm on my way to Washington DC! Woooooot.

...I have got to get away from this computer.

Ok. Off I go to take a shower then get back on the horse and put this bitch in the bag. And maybe study for my exam that's at 10 tomorrow that I haven't even started to study for. Good thing it's mostly open note.

Oh I forogot something. Per request on my xmas outfit this year: that is super secret classified information until Saturday! I must wow with my outfit and I must also win!

Unplugged

I seriously think I missed my calling in life of being a DJ. Maybe not a DJ but a music sequencer. I make amazing playlists. I just made a new one called slowy rocky songies. Sure I suck at naming them but I rock at getting every song to flow into the next.

These hidden talents, I tell ya. Just amazing.

Ok so not really.

Woot woot! School's done Thursday! Woot woot! Yeah! Though I might stick around until Saturday morning cause I might do a game on Friday night. It would also add the bonus of not having to deal with the crazy mother that comes out before any get together at our house.

I don't know why but for some reason I don't like it when people back into parking stalls. There is a time and a place when it is acceptable but the people who always does it, what the hell? What possible reason could there be for backing into a stall at the grocery store? At work? At the mall? Getting out easier? Um if you can back into a stall I think backing out of one would be a piece of cake. Seriously. I think 50 percent of cars at a high school sporting event are backed in. I do not understand.

High school games also annoye me because of the hip hop music. Blach! Me no likey hip hop. I can take it in small doses, not 20 minutes of warm ups. But last night I did see a kid dunk which was pretty amazing.

So this weekend is going to be thrilling! Not. I'm writing a paper and studying. And in a little bit I'm going unplugged. The internet is an evil beast that lures me away when it shouldn't. The remedy? Take out the little wifi finder thinger mabob, put it on a train and send it to North Dakota for the weekend. Ok so not that last part. The internet is toxic. Sure it has some amazing perks but it also has some pitfalls. YouTube just sucks an productivity out of my soul. I think to myself "well I'll just watch the one thing." But then they get you with those fooking related videos! It's an hour later and you're laughing over a cat who likes to wear a box like a tube top. Damn you YouTube. Damn you.

And speaking of productivity, it's time to be productive. Eat some lunch, then it's nos vemos internet!

Chow mien noodles!

160 million reasons why

So CC Sabathia has traded in the ball and glove logo for pinstripes. Yankee pinstripes.

I hate the Yankees.

The deal? A mere 160 million dollars over seven years. That comes to about 22 million a season or some person went far enough to calculate how much he'd make per pitch. Using the basic 100 pitches an outing, five man rotation, it comes to about $800 a pitch.

Holy shit. This is why baseball needs a salary cap. People say salary caps are unfair because it hurts a teams prospect of getting a strong roster. Bull shit mama! I've done minimal research (googled it, read the top 2-3 articles so really I know next to nothing) and the only team that would be hurt would be the Yankees. Go figure. People say it would hurt with talent distribution or some shit. If you wanna talk about talent the worst thing when it comes to it are expansion teams. Adding teams like the Diamondbacks and Marlins meant 50 players who would have not been on a big league roster made it. Salary cap does nothing to the talent pool, it just means teams like the Yankees can't drop millions upon millions on players.

My argument is yeah it's fun when your team wins. But what fun is it if your roster is so lopsided that every game is a blow out? I like the excitement of a close game. Sure a win is a win but a win in the bottom of the ninth is so much more satisfying then a game that's sealed up by the fourth. Yeah underdog teams can always pull off a win but if a roster has 6 former rookie of the years, all-stars at every position along with multiple golden glove winners then come on, who ever faces them is basically screwed.

It's frustrating to small market teams because they might have the capability of being a powerhouse but once their players reach free agency, the player is wined, dined, then inking a contract for 24 million for a year with the Bronx buttwipes.

At what point should a person think to himself "Ya know, what the fuck am I gonna do with $160 million?" Why not think, "well I kind of like it here in Milwaukee and 100 mil is nothing to sneeze at so why not take the less money and stay here"? I mean seriously! A person plays a sport for a living! Why do we place so much worth on a guy who can throw a slider that gets 'em swinging every time? We can't pay the people who have to teach the kids of this country more then $40,000 but lets fork over the national budget of Sierra Leone and Sao Tome to a left handed pitcher who can give the team 20 quality starts a year.

I'm just sayin'.

I got to thinking what I'd do with 160 million if I ever get offered that much. I wouldn't take it though. I have like even numbers so I'd hold out for 200 mil but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, I've come up with a few things:
1) I'd play the lotto. 160 mil just isn't enough. The probability of winning a state wide lottery is something like 18 million to 1. I'd wait until there was a drawing, then go to the local 7-Eleven after it's declared there hasn't been a winner and buy 19 million lottery tickets. You know, I gotta have a million worth of insurance in case the numbers lie to me! And I'd have to wait until I'd get a substantial return on my investment.
2) I'd get a million dollars in one dollar bills and use it as toilet paper. Sure it might be a federal offense to deface money but I'll argue that once flushed, think of all the happy sewer workers who will find dollar bills floating in a moat of poo. If they choose to pick it out, clean it up some and put it back into circulation then I'm not breaking any laws.
3)I'd buy islands in the Caribbean. I wouldn't splurge of a single one with a value of 30 mil. Oh no. I'd go for about five islands costing about 3 to 5 million. I want to own my very own archipelago!
4) I'd buy a car for every day of the week. But I'd also need a boat for everyday of the week when I'm living on my island chain. Also I'd need a winter fleet and a summer fleet. I can't drive a Rolls in the winter, the salt would be murder on the paint job!
5) I wouldn't buy an airplane. Instead I'd buy a train. I would travel to and fro on my very own 25 car passenger train. It would be equipped with dining, dancing, entertainment and whatever my little heart could dream up.
6) I'd buy the whole world a Coke. No. I wouldn't do that. I'd buy the whole state of Wisconsin a Dr Pepper. Two reasons: I don't like Coke and I don't like everyone in the world but by default I will always hold Wisconsin dear in my heart.
--See I'm banking on the fact my lottery scheme will have worked. And I will also have established residency in Florida since they don't have an income tax so I get more bang for my buck before dirty Uncle Sam takes it away for crazy things like Welfare and child nutrition. How dare the American government try to use my money for such ridiculous programs! I'd also establish residency by buying a house for $250,000 in Florida so I wouldn't get raped on property tax...but Wisconsin screws you over on that too...hmmm. I must find more evil schemes!--
7) I'd dote upon my family. I'd set aside 10 mil to see to their needs. That's a whole lot of Fords and GM's I could buy them! Mommy could tool around in Ford Focus while I tool around in an Aston-Martin, nat. Perhaps I'd set them up with a nice condo in the place of their choice. I'd also splurge on my friends.
---I'd pay cash for everything thing so I would know how much I have spent and how much I have left. None of this mortgage or loan shit. I don't want to have to pay more for something.
8)I'd buy season tickets to the Brewers. How many? The entire field diamond box 121. It's situated behind the visitors dugout so I could heckle and I'd also have a good view of the Brewers dugout so I could drool. I would also have chances of catching foul balls. I'd put velvet ropes up all along my section and sit smack dab in the middle. I'd have a bouncer/valet who regardless of his god given name I'd call Vladimir who'd bounce anyone trying to come into my section. He'd also carry me away on a golden thrown to my car.
9) Every Christmas I'd donate $10,000 to the local Boys and Girls Club. Then go to Wal-Mart and buy what every poor person wants, Ramen Noodles, to donate to the food pantry.
10)I'd commission a nude statue of myself to be the center piece of my herb garden I plan on planting on the roof of my San Francisco house. I'd hire a woman with a better body to do the naked part while the only part that is me is my face. My San Francisco house wouldn't be just any house. I'd buy the house from Full House.
11) I'd go to the Humane Society and adopt dogs. I'd keep the cute ones and do the world a favor by releasing the ugly ones into the wild of Alaska then wait near by with my fleet of snowmobiles as they are ate by polar bears. It's a two-for! Rid the world of mange mutts that no one could ever love and make even more money by betting on which one would get ate first. I'd be guaranteed to win cause no one would have to know I secretly fed a dog ball bearings so he's 20 pounds over weight and can't run as fast. I'd pay off the judge in the Michael Vick case so I could bring Michael along. Then when we're caught I'd blame it on him and everyone would believe me. You don't even want to know what I'd do with the cats.
12) I'd spend tons of money on pens. I'd build the humidor of pens in my basement at every residence I have. That's just how I roll. I may be filthy rich but I'd still be a simple girl who loves pens. I'd clear the shelves of every office supply store in the area and hire an old professor who'd sit in the room and act like the curator of pens. He's document each one, record the date of last use and have a sample of what it looks like when written with so I could choose the perfect writing instrument. He'd have to wear a bow tie and one of those jackets with the elbow pads at all times.

I'd do all that and still have money to wipe my ass with.

PSA

So I've been told that I don't do enough Public Service Announcements.

Ok fine. No one has ever said that to me. I just feel it is my duty as a concerned citizen to bring this topic to light. I feel it does not get enough media attention as it should. So here you go:





Like the video says, it's easy preventable. Please speak to you children about it.

Sounds Delicious!

Apparently we're about to be spanked by a weather system. A "wintry mix" is supposed to be in the area tonight through tomorrow night. It's not supposed to be as bad here as other places but still. It could be icy which is icky.

A wintry mix. That is so deceiving! It sounds delicious. It sounds like a blend of fruits or vegetables like a Californian blend. Can I substitue the rice for the wintry mix? It sounds like a cocktail mix were all you add is brandy and ta da! A delicious totty to enjoy by the fire whilest you burn the yule log.

It does not sound like something that reeks havoc on roadways and causes inconvenience. It's something that when you hear it you think, "Ah crime in Italy!" The name does not illude to what is on the horizon. They should come up with a new name for it. Something like hell mix. "expect a hell-ish mix of precipitation today cause we're gonna get slammed by freezing rain then snow! Oh and expect temperatures to plummet to -15 before the wind chill! Have a great Tuesday and back to you Suzy!"

Weather is not something that needs a positive spin. Sure no one wants to hear about the hurricane swirling off the coast but a hurricane is a hurricane. Do you think people give a rip if they alleviate global warming if their house just got ripped off the foundation? No.

Wintry mix just does not do it justice. That's all I'm saying. There is a better description for it out there. I don't know what it is but it's there.

Anyway, I was googling myself (hehe that sounds so dirty!) cause I realized I haven't printed some articles off and was trying to find them. Anyway. There were a couple hits for some WNBA player and of couse the singer. None for me which was a little sad but I got over it. I decided to listen to the infamous "God Bless America" since if any one over the age of 65 says anything about my name they ask if I can sing that song. It's not clever! And NO! I do not sing! Well, I do just horribly. Is it shameful I wasn't exactly wow-ed by it? Sure it was good but it wasn't like her voice could make a person weep. All that hype for nothing. Kind of a let down.

Old people also sing some song that I've never heard too. My grandpa used to do it all the time. He doesn't any more which is a little sad and part of me wishes he'd whip it out one of these days. I should google that song! Some old dude, or maybe it was a dudette, sang it at the grocery store sometime last year.

Whoa. That is one old ass song! It talks about going to France to fight the Kaiser. Hello World War I!

Alright I got homework to do. Down to the two week mark, holla!

What's my age again?

Maintenance Man sucks.

He made people get up this morning to move their cars so he could plow the friggin' lot. On a Saturday. Who does that?!

Sure it was going on 11 but that's just details.

It's crap I tell you. CRAP! The actual driving area had been plowed but he wants the stalls cleared. Which sure some might say is nice but hi. This is a college apartment building. We don't really care much about shit like that! I can understand wanting the driving spots clear but the stalls?! It hasn't even snowed that much! Plus most of the lot is empty so just do the ones that are clear.

I find the whole process impractical because during the week there is no way in hell all the cars can be moved to the back lot or to the sides. There are too many cars! And it isn't like there is a plethora of parking else where in this town.

Anyway.

I've been covering some basketball games for the DU and I've reached a strange point in my life. A point where I don't look at the boys in the stand but rather the coaches and think "hmm. He's kinda cute." The JV/assistant coach at one the schools looked to be about 25 and that's what made me think about it. A strange day indeed. It makes me feel old hanging about high schoolers. But really, I'm not old! It's just weird looking at the roster, seeing a freshmen and thinking how she's 7 years younger then me. I think that's right...freshmen year a person is 14-15...yeah cuz sophomore year you get to drive! Anyway. It's weird! At least I think it is since I find myself in that wishy-washy grey area. A grey area where some of the coaches might think this chick looks like one of my students not someone who's a reporter. For me all those high school feelings come back. Like seeing a teacher makes me slightly nervous if I'm playing with my phone. Wondering if the ticket people will really buy I'm not a student or am I gonna have to whip out the press pass. Some people at the grocery store had a hard time believing I was old enough to scan alcohol. That always annoyed me.
It'd be:
person-"oh you better call someone over"
me-"why?"
p- "cuz I got beer"
m- "uh, I can scan"
p- "really?!"
m-"I can even buy it."
p-"no!"
m-"shut the hell up and give me your damn card already"

Ok that last part might be a lie. I don't really take offense to someone saying I look young. I just get a little peeved when they don't believe me. I think I know my age bucko.

...well that turned into something else.

I'm outtie.

Stick it

Oh the first real snow fall of the season! How exciting! We've got a pretty lil blanket of snow which makes me feel all festive for the holiday season. And yikes. 25 days until Christmas?! Shit son! I haven't bought a single gift!

I have a love hate relationship with cold weather. Love the snow to a point, hate the slush it makes on the sidewalk. Love that we have distinctive seasons, hate the extremes. Love when it's cool and the wind is blowing at your back, hate when it's freezing and the wind is blowing in your face.

It is kind of torturous to think while walking to class "mm it isn't too bad out with the wind at my back. But oh the walk home, that's gonna blow cuz the winds gonna be in my face." I HATE that! And I hate that some places are like a wind tunnel because of the buildings or whatever. Just going along, it's not bad then wham! You enter a certain spot and the wind picks up by 10 mph.

I always freeze my giblets while walking home and I don't like it. Wait. That didn't sound right. That's a euphemism for a dude's naughty bits. I meant, you know, as in a turkey. The neck. I freeze my neck/chin fat. Not anything...dirty.

Speaking of turkey, sigh. One of these years...ONE OF THESE YEARS! I am gonna blow a blood vessel over Thanksgiving Dinner. Why? Because why oh why can't my family have a normal dinner? WHY I ASK?!

My demands are simple, they really are. Normal stuff! Normal food you see on a Butterball commercial. No deep fried turkey. No pork loin. That was years ago but I'm still bitter over it. No weird potatoes or lack of corn.

This year has to be one of the better Thanksgiving in recent memory. We had a normal turkey and a fried one. Regular mashed potatoes, corn (which was absent last year and that's just wrong), green bean casserole which is kinda gross, cranberry sauce which also is kinda gross but kinda amazing, rolls, stuffing. Pretty normal. Except there was no gravy. WTF? How can there not be gravy? Everything is dry then. What do you put on the potatoes? Nothing. Tisk tisk tisk.

The Thanksgiving feast I envision is a turkey cooked in the oven until the thermometer pops out of its ass then is served on a (fake) silver platter not chopped up with green garnish and those little paper frilly things on the drumsticks. Mashed potatoes, NORMAL mashed potatoes. Not boiled in chicken broth or infused with some other shit. Gravy in a gravy boat. Stuffing, corn, rolls, wine and well, a seat at the adult table. A coveted spot with the big kids. At least the kid's table is now in the same room as the adults. When Thanksgiving was at the g-units, they sat in the fancy dinning room (which mark my words I will eat a feast in! Even if it involves breaking into their house while they are away and eating alone!) while the kids ate in the kitchen. When Thanksgiving was at MJ's the adults ate upstairs while the kid's table was in the backroom in the basement. It was like we were the help and this was only two, three years ago. Tori got a spot at the adult table and I'm older then her! How rude! Well not really. But I guess this year's kid's table was a strange hybrid. The oldest cousin, the youngest cousin (me), two in between and the offspring of the oldest. Weird hybrid like I said.

Oh, I also want candles burning on my Thanksgiving table. Maybe I'll do a Thanksgiving in July sometime and I'll do it all my way! And if someone complains I'll shove a turkey baster someplace where the sun don't shine.

Anyway.

18 Days until the end of the semester, 25 days until Christmas, 50 days until Bush is out of office and about 10 weeks until I'm an auntie! Hehe. Had to throw that one in there. But I gotta say, at the rate they are going that kid is not gonna have a name until next Christmas. I will call it...Hmm I don't know what. I'll have to think of some nickname. No peanut, pumpkin, sugar, honey or sweetie. Everyone uses those. Ohh perhaps puddin'! Oh I don't know.

Ok I need to be productive.

Tootles.