What is the appropriate size ball to send to a man who has been emasculated by his wife? Tennis or golf? Or is it more a "I need to judge the situation and then make the call" type deals?
See all along I've been leaning towards tennis because I find them to be a more suitable substitute. But now as I have been thinking about it more, I'm starting to think golf. Why? Because they must have been pretty small to start with in order for them to be ripped off and stomped on.
But that's just me.
I'm thinking about sending them anonymously with a note that says "here's a replacement pair since your wife appears to have crushed yours. Try to keep these ones clear of her heels."
Ok so I won't really do that. Though I might. It is more tempting with each passing day to send them. (another reason I started to think golf? Cheaper postage!) We'll see. I have a certain reputation. I'm not one to express my anger. Well alright fine I do it here but in person? No. I say very little. I'm generally a quite, non-confrontational person. So when I do get pissed off you know something is very wrong. I have a feeling that sooner then later I shall let free the anger onto the world. Then everyone will know that the situation has reached a critical point.
In other news...
Have I told you how much I want this picture once my parents are done with it? Hella bad is how much I want it.
Technically it's supposed to be Tyler's. But that SOB has gotten all sorts of shit from our parents that AB and I will never get. Kitchen table, couches and chairs, desk, etc. If I could pick one single thing I want from them it is this. A limited addition Robin Yount lithograph of him hitting his 3,000th hit. There are only 675 of them. We've got one cause there was probably only 675 Brewer fans in '92. (they sucked!) I want it. I do! It also comes with a ticket stub, and a picture of the Kid signing it. Sometimes when I have to go and get a gallon of milk from the fridge I take a second to stop and look at it. Yes. I said that and yes I know I'm a freak. Plus I'm a way better Brewer fan then Tyler. And he'd probably ruin it or pawn it for cash. (Ok not really)
It will look nice in the shrine I plan on erecting in my house/apartment/condo/cardboard box. I'll have that as the center of attention with a table in front of it. On the table will be my bobbleheads, a couple of candles (cause it is a prereq to have candles in a shrine), a bottle of whiskey and Brewers shot glass. Before every game I'll take a swig of gut rot, light a candle and say a prayer on the stitches of the baseball. All my other Brewer artifacts will be laid out carefully in a Feng Shui way to optimize the chance of a Brewer victory. And since baseball is a superstitious sport so by proxy I am too, I will rearrange my shrine until I find a winning combination.
Say what you will. You're just jealous you didn't think of it first.
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