I've got a love/hate relationship with working holidays.
The hate part has nothing to do with missing out on family activities.
The love part has nothing to do with the extra money I bank.
Nah, it's all about the phone.
I hate/love answering the phone on a day like today. Why? Because according to a very scientific study done by myself and whoever else answers the phone, 3 out of 5 calls is a "Are you open today?" or "What time are you open until today?"
My favorite was on Christmas Eve when after we were closed I did answer the phone after a few rings. The guy thanked me for answering (wtf?) And then wondered how late we were open. I can't lie. I did enjoy saying we were closed. Same as when I was walking to my car at half past and people were walking up and I got to tell them we were closed. I'm mean.
I love keeping tallies. I do. It's kind of fun to see how many people call within a shift and ask the question. But then I hate it-the "are you open" question specifically- because if we weren't open do you think I'd be answering the phone on the second ring, numbnuts? Oy. Or better yet one the person who is supposed to answer the phone is busy and it rings about 15 times and then the person on the line asks "Are you open?" I really want to say, "Really? You just let a phone ring 15 times to a place you're not even sure of is open? Wouldn't most people think 'hey! They must be closed!' after the tenth?"
Or there's the other favorite when someone makes a comment about how it's too bad I'm working on a holiday. Well you know what, bud? If I wasn't you wouldn't be here buying all these unnecessary supplies!"
I'm an angry individual at times, what can I say?
Anyway....
I had a complete weirdo I had to deal with the other day. I was looking up something for him on the computer and I swear to god he was holding a conversation with himself. And then he was telling me about his problem how they had been in the other day and they had bought such and such. I really wanted to ask him if "they" were the imaginary people he was talking to. Then he asked me if I remembered when there was deposits on glass bottles of soda. I said no I'm not that old. And he said it was in the mid-80s to which I replied I was barely alive in the 80s. Really you psycho? You think I look that old?! You jerk. He's been added to my list of people to avoid at all costs. Him, mullet man and EveryDayCreeper are all people I head in the other direction when I see. Oh and the guy who wears the exact same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME he is in the store.
I've got to go eat more candy. I think I've only ate my weight in it today.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The Final Middle Finger
So here's something I thought of at work the other day.
Do you think Christians eat ham on Easter as an extra "f you" to Jews?
You know since kosher Jews don't eat pork products and it's Easter which is the epitome of Christian hate towards Jews. That whole "Hey you killed our Savior you BASTARDS!" when if you stop and think about it had Jesus not been crucified he'd just be another dude and not The Chosen One. But that's not the point. No the point is just a random thought that is a sign I either a) have too much time on my hands at work or b) my job is so routine I can think about these things. Ham on Easter. Is it or is it not a middle finger to Jews?
Or will Jesus coming back be the final middle finger? Yeah, that'd probably stick it to them more.
Then again maybe Jews will get the final finger when another dude shows up and turns out to be the Messiah.
Only time will tell. Though I wouldn't bet on it.
Since we're on the topic of Judaism...I totally might have to buy some kosher for Passover potato chips just because! It does start on Tuesday after all...I should try to keep a Passover diet. With the exception of buying kosher meat that is, I don't know where to buy it. I could do it. I've got two days to figure out what to eat for a week though...
Do you think Christians eat ham on Easter as an extra "f you" to Jews?
You know since kosher Jews don't eat pork products and it's Easter which is the epitome of Christian hate towards Jews. That whole "Hey you killed our Savior you BASTARDS!" when if you stop and think about it had Jesus not been crucified he'd just be another dude and not The Chosen One. But that's not the point. No the point is just a random thought that is a sign I either a) have too much time on my hands at work or b) my job is so routine I can think about these things. Ham on Easter. Is it or is it not a middle finger to Jews?
Or will Jesus coming back be the final middle finger? Yeah, that'd probably stick it to them more.
Then again maybe Jews will get the final finger when another dude shows up and turns out to be the Messiah.
Only time will tell. Though I wouldn't bet on it.
Since we're on the topic of Judaism...I totally might have to buy some kosher for Passover potato chips just because! It does start on Tuesday after all...I should try to keep a Passover diet. With the exception of buying kosher meat that is, I don't know where to buy it. I could do it. I've got two days to figure out what to eat for a week though...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
(Superficial) Things I Need in a Man
Attention all eligible bachelors and anyone who would like to set me up with a good looking man (he doesn't have to be gorgeous) between the ages of 21 and 34 who is preferably 6 feet or taller I have finally come up with a list of criteria I need in a man outside of the usual relationshippy things.
I don't require much from a man. Well, ok so I might appear like I do but the stuff I'm about to list are not necessarily things he has to do but things he is willing to do. Some grumbling at an item is acceptable if at the end of the day I can get him to do said thing.
Item #1: He has to take my car for an oil change or go with me. I'll pay for it gladly. I just hate doing it.
Item #2: In cold months he needs to be willing to lay on my side of the bed for 15 minutes prior to lights out so it is nice and warm. Could I just snuggle him for warmth? Yes I most certainly could. I'm not ruling out the snuggle. I would just like sheets above teeth chattering degree.
Item #3: He has to be able to watch a baseball game. This one could very well be a deal breaker. If he can't watch a game on TV then for 162 day in a 180 day span it could be difficult to get along.
Item #4: He needs to posses better math skills or at least better patience when it comes to balancing a checkbook so when I get uber pissed because I haven't done it in four months he can figure it out. Also doing taxes and buying big ticket items such as cars falls under his purview.
Item #5: He's the exterminator of creepy bugs and spiders. I'm not doing that since it takes a solid minute to hype myself up to preform the act.
Item #6: He's got to be able to sing shamelessly along with the radio in the car. Or at the very least tolerate my terrible singing as I go note for note with Celine Dion.
Item #7: He can't be jealous of my Craig Counsell crush. I will openly make suggestive comments and he has to accept that. In return I will allow the same for one woman of his choice. The only condition is said female can't be someone he knows, she must be in the athlete/actress/singer/famous for being rich category.
Item #8: A nice back massage once in a while would be great. He provides me with a massage, I'll provide him with the happy ending. It's got to be cheaper then paying $60 an hour to have someone else rub you down.
Item #9: He needs to enjoy doing random things like dancing for no good reason or sliding on the ice. Spontaneous immaturity can be great fun.
Item #10: He needs some skills with tools and/or in building things. Those shelves aren't going to assemble themselves! Or to put it more accurately fix what I have attempted to build.
Item #11: It is his job to drive in adverse weather conditions. Unless say he's from Florida and hasn't really drove in the snow then I'll take the wheel.
There. I think that rounds out my list for now. A nice uneven 11.
Now go tell your cute TDH male friends and send any candidates my way.
I don't require much from a man. Well, ok so I might appear like I do but the stuff I'm about to list are not necessarily things he has to do but things he is willing to do. Some grumbling at an item is acceptable if at the end of the day I can get him to do said thing.
Item #1: He has to take my car for an oil change or go with me. I'll pay for it gladly. I just hate doing it.
Item #2: In cold months he needs to be willing to lay on my side of the bed for 15 minutes prior to lights out so it is nice and warm. Could I just snuggle him for warmth? Yes I most certainly could. I'm not ruling out the snuggle. I would just like sheets above teeth chattering degree.
Item #3: He has to be able to watch a baseball game. This one could very well be a deal breaker. If he can't watch a game on TV then for 162 day in a 180 day span it could be difficult to get along.
Item #4: He needs to posses better math skills or at least better patience when it comes to balancing a checkbook so when I get uber pissed because I haven't done it in four months he can figure it out. Also doing taxes and buying big ticket items such as cars falls under his purview.
Item #5: He's the exterminator of creepy bugs and spiders. I'm not doing that since it takes a solid minute to hype myself up to preform the act.
Item #6: He's got to be able to sing shamelessly along with the radio in the car. Or at the very least tolerate my terrible singing as I go note for note with Celine Dion.
Item #7: He can't be jealous of my Craig Counsell crush. I will openly make suggestive comments and he has to accept that. In return I will allow the same for one woman of his choice. The only condition is said female can't be someone he knows, she must be in the athlete/actress/singer/famous for being rich category.
Item #8: A nice back massage once in a while would be great. He provides me with a massage, I'll provide him with the happy ending. It's got to be cheaper then paying $60 an hour to have someone else rub you down.
Item #9: He needs to enjoy doing random things like dancing for no good reason or sliding on the ice. Spontaneous immaturity can be great fun.
Item #10: He needs some skills with tools and/or in building things. Those shelves aren't going to assemble themselves! Or to put it more accurately fix what I have attempted to build.
Item #11: It is his job to drive in adverse weather conditions. Unless say he's from Florida and hasn't really drove in the snow then I'll take the wheel.
There. I think that rounds out my list for now. A nice uneven 11.
Now go tell your cute TDH male friends and send any candidates my way.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
UPDATE: Zoomin' who?
OH! Oh hey! So my Who's Zooming Who game was cut a little short before the big piece of evidence I was so hungry for came through. The two in question are not zooming each other. I (sort of) knew it! I'm a little sad my game has come to an end but I'm happy to have closure on the matter.
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Unintentional Hiatus
Holy frick has it been a while since I've last blogged.
Aye, what's the excuse this time, eh?
Well I haven't got one except for pure laziness and, well, an uneventful life.
Since I'm feeling guilty as to my lack of blogging I need to come up with something to write about. Is there anything better to write about then my favorite person in the world Addisyn? No. So here we goooooooooo!
Oh my goodness Little Miss Thang is becoming more of a little girl then a baby every time I see her. Ok ok so I guess she hasn't technically been a baby for over a year now, she's a toddler. She's still a friggin' baby to me though! I know its cliche but damnit! I can remember like it was yesterday when all she was was a snuggle blob, to put it poetically.
Where to start? She's amazing at knowing what sounds animals make. Few stump her and she picks up on new ones like that! (yes, I did just snap) My favorite that she does has to be a tie between what does a horse say? Neeeeeeeeeigh! and what does a cat say? Eeeeeeow! There's no Me to her meow. Yet.
Body parts and articles of clothing are a thing of the past. She's had that down for a few month now. It's still a little bit of a shocker when you say hey you! Go get your shoes! And she fishes out the pair she wants to wear. Or better yet when she knows what shoes are mine. I was at the 'rents the other day when she was up and we had gone out earlier in the day to play with the bubbles and I had asked her if she'd put my shoes on for me. She didn't then but later when my ma and pa were getting her ready to take her back to her pops she came running over to me with my shoes, held them out and said, "Here Kaykey!" Aww. It doesn't sound like much in print put in person that shit just melts my heart.
That same day she wanted to help with something in the kitchen cause I guess she likes cooking so I made some cookies with her. Every time I turned on the beaters she'd look at me and yell," Stop peeeease! Stop peeease! Stop peeease!" For some reason she didn't like that part. She did like sticking her wooden spoon in everything and licking it. If anyone ate the current batch of cookies at my parents' house, congratulations you ate some Addy spit. Sorry.
She's doing a good job with those find the object in the picture books. You know where they have a cow, horse, pig, dog in a box and also in the picture. She does very well with them. She's also doing ok with her colors. She counts a little and knows some of the alphabet. If you're counting something out, like cups of flour, and she's by you sometimes she picks up where you left off . It's cute.
She's no longer restricted to one word communication, she's started on simple sentences. A lot of "I help!" or "I'm comin'!" Words with please thrown in.
She's also getting a little bit of an attitude. But she's two so that's normal. There's a whole lot of MINE! going around or you'll be sitting in a chair and she crawls up in your lap and for a second you think "Ah! She wants to snuggle!" and you get all excited only to realize what she's really doing is attempting to throw you off the chair because it's "Addy's chair!" She's starting to realize more when she's done something naughty because she's takes her talkin' to like a champ and generally stops what ever it was. Temporarily at the very least.
Perhaps the best thing she's learned as of late is to help chant Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Scott Walker's got to go!
If someone says hey, hey! She'll go ho, ho! And sometimes if you ask her who has to go she'll give you a Scott Walker only it sounds more like Sot Walkeh! She gets the got to go part at times too. She's a smart girl learning to dislike that terrible human.
I'm sorry but the man has won douche of the year and it's only March. That takes talent. He's not right. Nope. Not right. It's all in the approach Mr. Governor and your approach is terrible. Terrible which starts with t that rhymes with gee as in Gee, we're in trouble if your budget repair bill and budget goes through as is because apparently you think public education isn't something to take seriously you fuck.
Whoa. Yeeeeah. Yeah sorry about that.
Ok. I think that's enough for now. And no. I didn't proof this.
Aye, what's the excuse this time, eh?
Well I haven't got one except for pure laziness and, well, an uneventful life.
Since I'm feeling guilty as to my lack of blogging I need to come up with something to write about. Is there anything better to write about then my favorite person in the world Addisyn? No. So here we goooooooooo!
Oh my goodness Little Miss Thang is becoming more of a little girl then a baby every time I see her. Ok ok so I guess she hasn't technically been a baby for over a year now, she's a toddler. She's still a friggin' baby to me though! I know its cliche but damnit! I can remember like it was yesterday when all she was was a snuggle blob, to put it poetically.
Where to start? She's amazing at knowing what sounds animals make. Few stump her and she picks up on new ones like that! (yes, I did just snap) My favorite that she does has to be a tie between what does a horse say? Neeeeeeeeeigh! and what does a cat say? Eeeeeeow! There's no Me to her meow. Yet.
Body parts and articles of clothing are a thing of the past. She's had that down for a few month now. It's still a little bit of a shocker when you say hey you! Go get your shoes! And she fishes out the pair she wants to wear. Or better yet when she knows what shoes are mine. I was at the 'rents the other day when she was up and we had gone out earlier in the day to play with the bubbles and I had asked her if she'd put my shoes on for me. She didn't then but later when my ma and pa were getting her ready to take her back to her pops she came running over to me with my shoes, held them out and said, "Here Kaykey!" Aww. It doesn't sound like much in print put in person that shit just melts my heart.
That same day she wanted to help with something in the kitchen cause I guess she likes cooking so I made some cookies with her. Every time I turned on the beaters she'd look at me and yell," Stop peeeease! Stop peeease! Stop peeease!" For some reason she didn't like that part. She did like sticking her wooden spoon in everything and licking it. If anyone ate the current batch of cookies at my parents' house, congratulations you ate some Addy spit. Sorry.
She's doing a good job with those find the object in the picture books. You know where they have a cow, horse, pig, dog in a box and also in the picture. She does very well with them. She's also doing ok with her colors. She counts a little and knows some of the alphabet. If you're counting something out, like cups of flour, and she's by you sometimes she picks up where you left off . It's cute.
She's no longer restricted to one word communication, she's started on simple sentences. A lot of "I help!" or "I'm comin'!" Words with please thrown in.
She's also getting a little bit of an attitude. But she's two so that's normal. There's a whole lot of MINE! going around or you'll be sitting in a chair and she crawls up in your lap and for a second you think "Ah! She wants to snuggle!" and you get all excited only to realize what she's really doing is attempting to throw you off the chair because it's "Addy's chair!" She's starting to realize more when she's done something naughty because she's takes her talkin' to like a champ and generally stops what ever it was. Temporarily at the very least.
Perhaps the best thing she's learned as of late is to help chant Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Scott Walker's got to go!
If someone says hey, hey! She'll go ho, ho! And sometimes if you ask her who has to go she'll give you a Scott Walker only it sounds more like Sot Walkeh! She gets the got to go part at times too. She's a smart girl learning to dislike that terrible human.
I'm sorry but the man has won douche of the year and it's only March. That takes talent. He's not right. Nope. Not right. It's all in the approach Mr. Governor and your approach is terrible. Terrible which starts with t that rhymes with gee as in Gee, we're in trouble if your budget repair bill and budget goes through as is because apparently you think public education isn't something to take seriously you fuck.
Whoa. Yeeeeah. Yeah sorry about that.
Ok. I think that's enough for now. And no. I didn't proof this.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Keeping the mind sharp
Some people like to ward off the mental cobwebs with sudoku, word finds or crosswords. I am not one of those people (though who am I kidding, I do love me a crossword!) Instead I like to play a game that's one part creepy, two parts detective and three parts fun. I call it the Who's Zooming Who game.
I've played it in the past and have had a ball with it.It's easy to play. All you do is try to figure out if people are dating/doing it. Generally it really isn't that hard and the game is over in a few days. But the current game I'm in, oh, let me tell you. I have had to pull out all the stops. Well, ok, not really but it's been a difficult one to figure out. I think I've been playing this current round for about a month and I'm still unable to figure it out. But I have learned today that I will get a surefire answer in a few weeks if all goes as planned but I kind of want to figure it out on my own. I want to know, I really do but a part of me doesn't. I don't know if I'll be disappointed or relieved once this game is over. A big part of me doesn't not want the two subjects to be zooming so I'm afraid of the let down if the big piece of the puzzle comes through and they are in fact two becoming one. But then a part of me will be ok with that because then I can move on and start a whole new game, I'm Going to Screw with You because I Know. It too will be a fun game to play.
Never before has two subjects- whom we will refer to as Taylor and Riley because they are both unisex names (could be two dudes, could be two girls, could be one of each!)- made the game so tough for me. I know for a fact Riley has someone in their life. I know it. Riley speaks out it often. Taylor? Not a clue. Taylor and Riley can be seen hanging together while on breaks. But then again Taylor also sometimes hangs with me while on breaks. I have it from one unreliable source that the two are indeed in a relationship. I can't believe the source 100 percent because the source has a history of lying. Then there are things like Riley had a few days off, didn't go anywhere special like out of state but did spend it in another city. If it were me had I had a few days off and didn't have any plans I think I'd kick it with my man. I get nothing from Taylor. They are incredibly unhelpful in my game. But Taylor gives more away with subtle things with body language and buying habits. Yes. You are damn right I look at those!
The kicker will come in a few weeks. Then I will know for sure if, as I said, everything goes as planned. I will have a final answer to this great game. Then depending on the answer I get to start on my new game which might be equally satisfying.
I should start charting my findings. It might make things more clear and easier to draw conclusions. It might make it more creepy. I'll have to think about that.
I've played it in the past and have had a ball with it.It's easy to play. All you do is try to figure out if people are dating/doing it. Generally it really isn't that hard and the game is over in a few days. But the current game I'm in, oh, let me tell you. I have had to pull out all the stops. Well, ok, not really but it's been a difficult one to figure out. I think I've been playing this current round for about a month and I'm still unable to figure it out. But I have learned today that I will get a surefire answer in a few weeks if all goes as planned but I kind of want to figure it out on my own. I want to know, I really do but a part of me doesn't. I don't know if I'll be disappointed or relieved once this game is over. A big part of me doesn't not want the two subjects to be zooming so I'm afraid of the let down if the big piece of the puzzle comes through and they are in fact two becoming one. But then a part of me will be ok with that because then I can move on and start a whole new game, I'm Going to Screw with You because I Know. It too will be a fun game to play.
Never before has two subjects- whom we will refer to as Taylor and Riley because they are both unisex names (could be two dudes, could be two girls, could be one of each!)- made the game so tough for me. I know for a fact Riley has someone in their life. I know it. Riley speaks out it often. Taylor? Not a clue. Taylor and Riley can be seen hanging together while on breaks. But then again Taylor also sometimes hangs with me while on breaks. I have it from one unreliable source that the two are indeed in a relationship. I can't believe the source 100 percent because the source has a history of lying. Then there are things like Riley had a few days off, didn't go anywhere special like out of state but did spend it in another city. If it were me had I had a few days off and didn't have any plans I think I'd kick it with my man. I get nothing from Taylor. They are incredibly unhelpful in my game. But Taylor gives more away with subtle things with body language and buying habits. Yes. You are damn right I look at those!
The kicker will come in a few weeks. Then I will know for sure if, as I said, everything goes as planned. I will have a final answer to this great game. Then depending on the answer I get to start on my new game which might be equally satisfying.
I should start charting my findings. It might make things more clear and easier to draw conclusions. It might make it more creepy. I'll have to think about that.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Just a Matter of Policy
Oh world. I would like to inform you of a certain courtesy when shopping towards the close of business:
Get the frack out of the store at closing time. Or at the very least get in line when you hear that announcement that say "Oh hey there people. Yeah we're closed to you need to come to the check out now."
If a place closes at 11 that does not mean since you're in the store you get to stay as long as you wish. Oh hell no. It closes at 11. That means you need to have your pretty little ass out the doors at that time.
It doesn't mean you can wander the aisle looking for all that you need. Nope, uh uh, no sir-ee.
Last night I had some peach of a woman get pissy because she couldn't stay and shop. She strolled in 5 to closing and I was walking the front checking the aisle so I told her nicely that we were closing in 5 to which she exclaimed "What?! I thought you closed at midnight! Oh what am I going to do?! Oh I'll be fast." She was nice then and I thought that hey maybe she will be out of here quick.
Cut to ten minutes later and she's still out there. A few minutes later the manager rounded her up and oh was she pissy then. "I didn't know you closed at 11!" Bullshit lady I just told you we did. Then she had to be difficult. She got all defensive over her coupon that was only supposed to be used at a different store so to shut her the hell up I took it. Then she was all "Oh I'm not going to shop here anymore. I didn't know you closed."
Cry me a river, princess. You were told. You got the same five minute warning everyone gets. Then you got to shop past close. I don't care if you didn't know the hours were different. It's only been that way for a few years.
I don't know where people get off being such jags. I want to go to where they work and wait until it's time for them to go home and then make them wait on me or whatever. Oh what's that? Oh it's time to go home? Ooooh yeah no not so much see it's still 5 and I'm pretty certain your hours are 9-5 and not 9-4:59 so I can still be helped until 5 and if we go over, then well we go over.
Buttheads. The whole lot of them. Buttheads. It would be a little different if the people were a little apologetic if they were in there late but no. Most of the time they are in fact buttheads. Snotty, pissy, little punks that need to pull their collective heads out of their asses.
There. I feel a little better. Not a ton but at least I got that off my chest.
While I hate it when people stay late a little bit of me likes it because then I get to make my closed announcement which is fun. And then if that doesn't work I get to start to boot people. And oh that's a joy! It really is.
Ah the little things. They make the day better.
Get the frack out of the store at closing time. Or at the very least get in line when you hear that announcement that say "Oh hey there people. Yeah we're closed to you need to come to the check out now."
If a place closes at 11 that does not mean since you're in the store you get to stay as long as you wish. Oh hell no. It closes at 11. That means you need to have your pretty little ass out the doors at that time.
It doesn't mean you can wander the aisle looking for all that you need. Nope, uh uh, no sir-ee.
Last night I had some peach of a woman get pissy because she couldn't stay and shop. She strolled in 5 to closing and I was walking the front checking the aisle so I told her nicely that we were closing in 5 to which she exclaimed "What?! I thought you closed at midnight! Oh what am I going to do?! Oh I'll be fast." She was nice then and I thought that hey maybe she will be out of here quick.
Cut to ten minutes later and she's still out there. A few minutes later the manager rounded her up and oh was she pissy then. "I didn't know you closed at 11!" Bullshit lady I just told you we did. Then she had to be difficult. She got all defensive over her coupon that was only supposed to be used at a different store so to shut her the hell up I took it. Then she was all "Oh I'm not going to shop here anymore. I didn't know you closed."
Cry me a river, princess. You were told. You got the same five minute warning everyone gets. Then you got to shop past close. I don't care if you didn't know the hours were different. It's only been that way for a few years.
I don't know where people get off being such jags. I want to go to where they work and wait until it's time for them to go home and then make them wait on me or whatever. Oh what's that? Oh it's time to go home? Ooooh yeah no not so much see it's still 5 and I'm pretty certain your hours are 9-5 and not 9-4:59 so I can still be helped until 5 and if we go over, then well we go over.
Buttheads. The whole lot of them. Buttheads. It would be a little different if the people were a little apologetic if they were in there late but no. Most of the time they are in fact buttheads. Snotty, pissy, little punks that need to pull their collective heads out of their asses.
There. I feel a little better. Not a ton but at least I got that off my chest.
While I hate it when people stay late a little bit of me likes it because then I get to make my closed announcement which is fun. And then if that doesn't work I get to start to boot people. And oh that's a joy! It really is.
Ah the little things. They make the day better.
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