Sometimes I miss you so much it hurts

Dear Milwaukee Brewers,

I am writing you this letter to express the sorrow in my heart. You have hurt me. You have broken my heart and now have proceeded to dance over the pieces. Not long ago there was the flicker of hope, the sparkle of possibility. Now that has given way to the dark future that as of present shows no light at the end of the tunnel.

Not once do you fail to succeed over a sub par team, oh no. Now as the second game against the National's, who are 31-68...THIRTY ONE AND SIXTY EIGHT!, you are losing by a large margin.
Against the Pirates you could not gain ground and now you cannot do it again against Washington.

It is a disgrace. It is almost an embarrassment to be a fan. What is there to cheer for? Usually during a losing streak there is something clicking. Not now. Nothing is going well for you. The starting pitchers are bruised and battered. The relievers provide no relief. The bats are not cold but they are far from hot. The defense makes little league errors. This is no longer major league baseball.

You need to change. You need to find starting pitching. Your manager needs to quit thinking so highly of the pitchers. Quit leaving in starters for too long and quit taking out relievers so early.

What happened? Honestly, what the hell has happened? Sure David Bush is on the DL so you are one starting pitcher short. What's your excuse Looper? Suppan? Suppan you may have an oblique strain as announced today but what has been your excuse all season? Parra, you have been better since getting back from the minors but you need to step it up. And don't get me started on the relievers. If the starters looked like they've been run over by a semi then the relievers look like they've been rolled over by a pickup. McClung, I'm happy you're on the DL. Stay there a while. Carlos Villanueva. I can't even look at you. I will personally drive you to Nashville. Seriously. I'll be there tomorrow to get you. You are ridiculous. When was the last time you had a good outing? I don't want to hear any excuses that it was hard since you were starting today, you used to be a frakin' starter. You want to be one. If you can't even handle an inning out of the 'pen then why in the name of whatever is holy are you getting the ball to start a game? Macha needs to lay off crazy juice.

As a real fan I can say this with no hesitation: you suck. You're terrible. But I will keep watching, I will keep rooting and I will continue to get my heart broke as long as you continue to play horrible baseball.

Sincerely,

Me

Dream On, Dream On

Watching Sports Center before I go to bed has started to effect my dreams. First I had a dream that Brewer hitting coach Dale Sveum was traded to the Red Sox for their manager Terry Francona. Then I had a dream Craig Counsell was traded to the LA Dodgers and I was pissed, which you can imagine. So I had to buy a Dodgers' Counsell shirt and for some reason the Dodgers weren't their normal blue and white. And then right when I was waking up Michael Phelps was in my head. I don't remember much about that one.

I can't help but wonder what's next. Am I going to be in the video of dunking on LeBron? Roy Halladay is gonna end up at the Brewers in a trade for a couple of bats and a pack of sunflower seeds?

I've been thinking and in the soundtrack of life, I want a sassy trumpet to punctuate zing! or damnit moments ala "Bewitched." Just add it to the list of sweet soundtrack noises I want.

It was amusing. The other day I hear one of those DiggerHotline people outside marking up the neighbor's yard and he was bitching up a storm at someone on the phone. So naturally I had to go sit by the window to try and eavesdrop. I didn't really make out much of anything but it did provide some amusement from the mundane day to day pull shiz.

Oooohhhh ominous skies! Thunder booms! Lightening cracks! Eeeeeek!

I guess I don't have to worry about watering today. Holla! I wish it'd stop. Apparently my mutha and me are going down to clean the T's house, barf, and were gonna go to the fair! I WANT MY CHEESE CURDS!

Alright. Chow mein.

Having a Brawl

Holy macaroni! Bench clearing brawl during the Brewer game last night! Wooohoo! That makes for some good TV. Except it wasn't the type of brawl where fists are flying, people being tackled, and there are ejections left and right. No one was ejected, there was some pushing and the bullpens did clear. Jason Kendall, who was at the heart of it, did have to be restrained by Prince Fielder which was humorous.

Why anyone would pick a fight with Jason Kendall is beyond me. I'm sure he's nice enough but good god. He looks like he'll mug you on a sun shinning day!
Eeesh. Why would you want to piss him off?

I know you want to so here is the video from the brawl.

Not nearly as exciting as they have the potential to be but still, any fight is fun.

The Brewers have got to stop sucking. End of story.

Ooooohhhh the Zodiac killer on Nash! Ok so I don't know anything about the Zodiac killer. Except that well, he's a serial killer.

...right.

Nasty Little Pervert

Tim Lincecum, the Giants phenomenon, looks like he should be going to homeroom instead of pitching to home plate. He looks like a 13 year old perv!

He should cut his hair, I think that would do wonders for him. Or at the very least do something to it so it doesn't look so greasy. Yuck. It doesn't look greasy in this picture but in the middle of a game I think you could slick a bowling ally with his hair. Perhaps he should pony tail it or do the piggy tails. I'd french braid it for him if I knew how to.

This All-Star game is pretty anti-climatic. Well except it appears that the NL is going to lose yet again. They're about to go into the bottom of the 9th.

Prince Fielder is the Home Run Derby champ! Woo! Now lets just hope that doesn't mean he won't be able to hit very many when they count. Apparently that's the common theme. Home Run Derby champs end up in a slump following the derby.

One more out and the AL will win it once again. Quit sucking National League! You're the premier league! You make your pitchers hit, force the managers to actually manage and not have the luxury of not worrying about pinch hitters.

Annnnnnd that's the ball game. Cripes. Stupid NL. It's only been a dozen years since you've won one...

Riiiiiiiiiiight. That's about it.

Keep on keepin' on punks.

Both sides now.

So in honor of Manny Parra's stellar return and to shame the bullpen (ok it isn't the best) I have made two pictures.
Right. So there's that.

FRANK!

What is with the St. Louis Cardinals and a lot of the players having porn mustaches? Honeslty, I've never seen so many in one place since the last porn flick I watched.

Ok I haven't watched any porn...that had men with the stache's!

Is it the hip thing to do in St. Louis, look like a creeper? Perhaps it is one of those luck things or change of pace. Like the Brewers wore rally pants, shaved their heads and Corey Hart and JJ hardy dyed their hair black in the past to spice things up. If that's the case they could have picked something better. Not something that looks like a sex offender meeting.

God damnit Milwaukee. Why must the bullpen always ruin things? Sure the starters have been off but it seems like anytime a starting pitcher throws a good game then either A. They get no run support or B. the bullpen blows things up. It seems like they can never fire on all cylinders. If it isn't the pitching, it's the hitting. If isn't the hitting then the defense commits errors. They need to get it all working together.

Frank Catalanatto's at bat song is driving me nuts. I can't really hear it since, well, I'm not there but it sound so familiar. I think it might be "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight" but not sure. It is making me crazy. Random: Frank would be a good name for a husband. Why? Great one to yell at in an angry way. Catalanatto would also be a fabu last name. Why? Beats the hell out of mine. I have last name envy. I must find a man with a good one.

OH! OH! I figured it out! He just came up and I quickly googled the lyrics and it's The Outfield (how appropriate) and "I Just Want to Use Your Love Tonight". Ah. Now I can function the rest of the day knowing it.

Ok. Well the game is winding down and yeah...

Peace and hair grease!

Belly up

Oh those Mets. It was like a comedy of errors last night for them against the Brewers. First the center fielder belly flops going for a routine fly. Then Ryan Braun clears the bases on a throwing error which basically was a grand slam only it wasn't since it was a 3 RBI double and an error. Who cares how they scored, they got 4 runs! Ohhhh my! I'm so happy that there are Nash reruns on. Annnnnd I'm kind of lame.

Alright, that's it.