Deflated and defeated.

Some days I just feel completely defeated. That no matter how hard I try or attempt to care, I get my ass kicked. Like I can't get ahead or get a break. I can't keep customers happy, I can't keep managers happy. Nothings going my way. I know it's one of those days when I don't get internal rage. When I can't feel my face get hot or my blood pressure rise over the immense stupidity of a person. Because then I know that I care, that I have something invested in the day. Getting mad inside also gives me something to do, which might sound odd but that's how it goes. It's like what they said in basketball, you know when the coach is pissed at you once they shut up and don't talk to you. I know when I'm defeated when I don't feel anything. When everything just sort of melts into one and glides me by.

I think I've come to the conclusion, not like I was searching though, of what my favorite sound is. The sound of a light rain fall on a car. I was sitting in my car, about to leave and it was raining lightly and it's just such a peaceful sound. The engine has got to be off. Just the pings on the roof and the plops on the windshield in a rhythmic way is so soothing. I think that being able to see the rain come down all around you adds to it as well. Even downpours sound amazing at times, though sometimes when it's coming down to hard then the soft pings and plops turn into tiny hammer noises all around and I don't dig that as well. Sitting in the car gives you the illusion of standing in the rain yet your protected from the elements and can listen to the thunder cracks and watch the lightening bolts spilt the sky (cuz what I took out of elementary school was sitting in the car during a storm meant you were safe...standing under a tree? not so much) So nice! So nice!

Ay yi yi.