Ain't No Sunshine

My seasonal depression just got worse.


Doug Melvin has said he isn't going to bring my dear Craigy Counsell back for next year.

Is...is this what heartbreak feels like? 

Am I ever going to be able to smile again?

Will I be about the watch a Brewers game next season without choking up knowing his ass isn't riding the pine? 

I may need to drink to cope with this.

And the Eye(brows) Have It!

For some unexplainable reason I check out eyebrows.

It isn't the first thing I look at in a dude but after the normal face, ass,smile and amount of fat (that's shallow sounding...) comes eyebrows. And there isn't a right or wrong when it comes to them. Some guys look good with eyebrows others wouldn't. I can't define exactly what I like. I know it when I see it. I may or may not have a Great Eyebrow List that you may or may not be shown right now. (You totally are)

This list is in no ranking of Greatness, just a general collection.

-Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds

  
-Aaron Rodgers

-Nick Stokes from CSI

-Jake Gyllenhaal

-Tech Man
 Due to unfortunate circumstances (he doesn't know we are to be married) I don't have a picture of Tech Man and his awesome eyebrows so you'll just have to take my word for it. They're the only real life eyebrows that I have a pleasure of seeing.


Yeah yeah yeah. Start your judging of me.

Turn Around, Right Around

If you're every at a store and you're looking for something and can't find it but spot a employee, do yourself a favor and look around. Do a 360, take in your surroundings before asking that employee where the product is.

Why? Because I kid you not 95 percent of the time, it's very scientific and accurate math I've used to come up with this, it is behind you. Or right in front of you. Or right next to you.

You might think I'm kidding but I'm not. All it takes to show a customer where a product is a little point and a "Oh, it's right there." Or a "Right behind you ma'am." Which is always followed by some witty retort of "Oooh, maybe I should open my eyes!"

Yeah. A perk to the new department is I get to learn all sorts of new things about people that I missed when I was on the front. What are they you ask? Well besides the people not finding things right in front of their face the people who think it's a big deal or really great to take something from the box you're stocking from. "Oh I'll just take one of these.ahehehehe!" Ok then! That's what they are there for. Or when they say something like "Oh now I'm messing up your pretty display!" That's ok since if no one did I wouldn't be selling stuff. If you're one of those people just....stop. For the love of whatever is holy, just don't. If you think what you're about to say is really funny or witty take a moment and think 'how long did it take me to come up with this? Three seconds? Ok it's probably already been said a million times before.' Another thing I find interesting, people who like to play chicken with a pallet. They must be the same people who drive their cars in front of a line of carts. Hey man I'll try to stop but if I mow you over it's kind of you're own fault since this bitch is a little heavy, I'm a lot weak and when it gets rolling watch out! I don't have anti lock breaks or anything.

Here's another observation. A fair few of the people I work with now can have pissy streaks and it's a little fun to hear them complain to each other about the others pissyness. And then when one is pissy to me I think they are just a little bit disappointed I don't react. What they all seem to fail to realize is I've dealt with pissy people-customers, employees, managers-day in day out for 10 months when I was running the front. It is going to take a whole lot to get a reaction from me. Yeah I'll be pissed on the inside but on the outside? Oh no. Cool as a cucumber. I think a lot of people in my current locale need some tips on how to deal with people better. They can be quite the unhelpful bunch. And rude. And pissy. But then they can be great. ...Sometimes.

Crock Pot

People who say I'm lucky for only having to work until 2 most days don't know what they're talking about.

"Oh but then you get the whole afternoon to do stuff." Oh you're full of crock.

Yeah fine I have the whole day to do stuff but you're forgetting a few key things. 1. I have to GET UP AT 5! I do not like having to wake up early! 2. I'm pretty certain it's against my DNA to fall asleep before 10 pm so before you try the go to bed earlier argument, I just schooled you. 3. What the shit am I supposed to do when everyone else I know is at work? 4. My time occupier works a retail second shift. (I made that term up since it isn't your traditional swing shift and well, I needed to call it something.) 5. And thanks to my early bed time my sleep schedule gets totally messed up when I kick it with TO. It's totally worth it but it'd be way better if I don't end up having to be up for 20+ hours.

Am I a bit whiney about it? Yes I am. Does a little part of me like it? Sure. But that little part gets drowned out by the louder voice saying "WHY ARE YOU AT WORK BEFORE THE SUN IS ON THE HORIZON?"

I think I'm going to end up like Mufasa. No, not trampled by a stampede. Any child of mine who gets up before the sun isn't mine and has to go to their father. Seriously.

That's my argument about why in reality it is not all that great to get done working at 2. Or 1. Or noon. Now 3, 4,5, and 6? Sign me the fuck up. Well no so much for the 3. I need to start closing again once a week for sanity's sake.

Cryin' Shame

Ok what is with me becoming a crier?

And by crier I mean I get the urge to cry. I don't actually cry. Give me a break! I haven't entered that frightful realm. Yet.

So yeah. I'm afraid that soon my streak of never crying at a movie is in danger with this startling development. I don't like it. Not because I'm ashamed to cry or because I think it's a sign of weakness or anything. I think I look hideous when I cry.

Yup. It is a total vanity thing. I don't want people to see me cry because of the way I look.

Oh sweet peas that is nasty. Sheep's head? To eat? No fucking thank you. I don't care if it is delicious I don't to look at my food and see it look at me back. That's also why I'll never order a fish that's served, you know, whole.

Anyway back to this whole crying thing. I need to know why it is happening and how to make it stop. Yes, I do not like it that much.

You know what I don't like either? Losing the remote for the TV.

Ok. That's it.

'82 to '11

My boys are going to the playoffs.

No big deal. They're just the National League Central Division Champs.

It is to a frigging big deal!

MY BOYS ARE IN THE MOFO PLAYOFFS!!!

Yes alright they were in the playoffs a few years ago but as a wild card. Sure beggers can't be choosers but division champs sounds way better then wild card.

I'm pretty certain I pulled a few muscles from jumping up and down once the Cardinals lost and it was official. Yeah. I hurt a little from that. On the plus side I probably burnt off a few calories of the beer I drank that night!

Poor TO (time occupier...geez get with the lingo already), if he thought my reaction to a playoff clinch was out of control playoff victories is going to make that look tame!

Random: I must have a stupid enemy. They only half cut my break line last week. Which is beneficial to me I guess....Gah! My baby, my Buick! Why you gotta be sucking my money out of my bank account? I guess that is what happens when you drive a car with 100,000 + miles...

4060

I hate broccoli.

Not to eat. No I like it. It's tasty. It's fun looking cause it kind of looks like trees from any early Nintendo games. (Which hello! Artichokes? Totally looks like the tube monsters in Mario!)

Why do I hate it?

It makes my wet wall so freaking dirty! Oh my god. The vegetable by nature will produce filth galore but with humans added, good lord. Everyone breaks the stalks off, which technically people you are NOT supposed to do, and leaves them. Just snap and throw. Hey thanks! Cause I really wanted to clean up all that! Eat it you buttheads it's good for you. It drives me nuts when I get in in the morning and half the level of broccoli is just the stems.

Another reason I hate it. How it comes packaged. In a box with a bunch of holes in it and oh, they pack it in a frigging ice pack the Arctic would be jealous of. So it's freezing to touch cause you have to get you're ice pick out to free it (not really. It's just crushed ice). Then it leaks all over the floor so you have to spend a long time wiping it up so someone doesn't bust a hip. And it seems like every time I roll some broc out on to the floor 12 people ask me questions or want me to move so they can get something and the only think I can think of is how my tiny trees are about to make a swamp out of my department if I don't get the boxes out of there.

I hate things packed in ice. Like, seriously, hate. It drives me nuts. Why?! WHY DO YOU PACK IT IN ICE?! This isn't the stone age or 1911 for that matter. We have a *gasp* cooler!

Fun fact: Iceberg lettuce got its name from being packed in ice when shipped from California. Yeah. You're welcome for that trivia.



Oh and why 4060 as the title? It's the PLU for broccoli. Duh.

Absence makes the....

Oh what a load of shit.

Absence doesn't make the heart grown fonder. ...Alright fine it might but it also can make you sad, depressed and pissed off. Which I know people have gone through all those emotions in my hiatus from blogging.

Why the break? Well my internet broke. Yeah. And I really hate Charter so I really didn't want to call them and get it fixed. So I was stubborn for a month and a half. Hello SmartPhone! Thank you for saving my ass!

Other reasons include how my days have changed quite a bit in I'm now in bed by 10 five days a week since I get up at 4 or 5 in the morning. (I DO NOT LIKE THIS!) Sure I could blog with all the time I have in the afternoons but they're pretty loaded. And by loaded I mean I nap, shower and have a snack. Then I watch TV and then it's time to eat again. Then it's time to watch the Brewers and then it's time to go to bed. I also have someone to preoccupy my time with now (!!!) so I don't have to sit here and blog about my feelings and stuff. ...ok I totally will always blog about my feelings.

So there is that.

What have I been up to you ask? Nothing. I work. I sit around. I kick it with my time occupier. That's about it.

So what's new? Well I've lost some weight and gained some killer biceps and shoulder muscles with the new job. Honestly. If I could make you squeeze my arms right now I would. They are AMAZING.And everyday they keep getting even more amazing. I wish I could say the same about my back though. Oy. That's what's gonna do me in.

I'm trying to decide if I want to do one huge ass post or a bombardment of posts....

who am I kidding? I'm totally going to do a bunch because I like to see the number of posts go up. My apologies in advance.

Adorab-LOL

So I love me some LOLs.

No not laughs out loud. Little Old Ladies.

That sounds super creepy, yes, but come on. Who doesn't love an adorable old granny? They are some of the BEST customers. They can also be some of the worst. We won't get in to that.

Anyway I got to thinking about the adorable LOLs today for some reason and two work related LOL stories sprung up.

The first was from around Mother's Day. I was helping out in floral and this nice old lady came up to me and asked if I knew how to kill a plant. After a pause and a pardon me? She said it again, she wanted to know how to kill a plant. Her son had gave her a poinsettia and now had sent her a new plant and she was sick of the poinsettia and wanted it to die.  After I told her how I once too had tried to kill off a poinsettia without actually murdering it, just with neglect, and failed her best bet would be just to uproot it and throw it out. She seemed a little sad with the harsh method.

The lady absolutely made my night. Who asks how to kill a plant that isn't a weed? It was awesome.

The other LOL of note wasn't so much adorable but it was another one of those "are you serious?" questions. I was stocking some cantaloupe and she asked me what "that" was while pointing at the sticker on it. Confused I asked for clarification that she meant the sticker and she said yes. I gave her a slow and confused "it's for the cashiers...so they know...what it...is?" Her response was something along the lines of "Oh I thought you tested them to see if they were ripe and corked them back up." I let her walk away because I didn't really have a response besides a "No....no...no." ....Really?! She thought we drilled a hole and took a core sample of all the cantaloupes? Really?

Oh and I think I found my first people to hate at the new store. I had a few who if I saw coming I'd walk the other direction or really, really want to at every other store. Now I already got a new one. I also might have a few potential replacements for eye candy. And! And! And! Tech Man was in today! All my fears about never seeing him was for naught. He put a smile on my face.

First Thoughts on a Fourth First Day

Today was my fourth first day of work.

First first day off the Front.

Second first day I wasn't a bag of nerves.

Third first day in a different uniform.

Fourth first day with the same company.

I'm such a winner.

Fourth first day was a smash hit I'd like to think. I'm enjoying the department so far and time flies by as opposed to drags by like it did on the Front. I'm finally learning something new which makes my brain happy. It's a bit of a new challenge, I'm not doing something I've done for 8 years. I've stocked before but never perishable.

Some general first impressions of the new store are: Holy shit are there a TON of adorable old men who work there I just want to give a hug to. The break room smells of cats. The cooler is HUGE! The bailer is super quite compared to all the others I've used. I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to the product since I don't eat any of it.

Also a plus for the day? I got to partially check something off my grocery store bucket list. I finally got to (help) make a cardboard bail. It was everything I hoped it would be which was really nothing special but still oddly fun.

Yeah, I do have a little bucket list for the store. They mainly are weird little things like mastering the power pallet jack, shrink wrapping a a pallet of milk crates or something similar by running full speed around it and the piece de resistance: tackling a shoplifter to the ground and then standing up and yell "Dat's what you GET!" while pointing at the thief. If I could tackle a shoplifter I could tooootally call it quits. I think that's what I'm waiting for. I want to take a stealer down.

It's only been the one day at the new store and already I know it's lacking something. Something important: someone to creep on. My days are going to be a lot more boring if I don't have that it add variety to my day. And also Tech Man will no longer show up in my department. Damnit, what am I to do without the eye candy? Or just candy in general? I miss the candy bowl! I need cannnnndy!

Shoot. Now I miss old store a whole lot.

Must think happy thoughts. Can't get sad now. It's too late for that!

In other news...nope there isn't any. I could go on about Addisyn a little bit but I'll refrain.

Oh wait what's that? You want to hear my proud auntie gushing? Oh, you convinced me.

I know I always say it but goodness is she getting smart.

I'd hope so since, you know, she's growing and getting smarter is important but it's just so fascinating to see the changes.

I love how you can reason with her now and while it may come across more as bribery at times, it shows that she can comprehend a request or demand and understand the consequnces.

Take the other day for example she was playing on the swing set and decided to take her shoes off. I told her no, no. If you want to play on the swing set you have to keep the shoes on. She went ahead and took them off, ran away from to the back of it and started to climb up so I pulled her down and told her nope. No shoes no swing set. She looked at me, looked down and asked "Where my shoooes go?!" and then proceeded to run to where she ditched them when I told her she knew exactly where they were. She's so silly sometimes.

I have also trained her, I should probably say taught her, that if she wants something and I say "pay the toll!" she has to give me a kiss. Yup. I will trick her into giving me baby kisses.

She likes to play puppy and sometimes she'll hold on to something in her mouth like a dog and bark while you try to yank it out. Sometimes she decides to put something not safe in her mouth and if a few "puppy drop it! puppy let go!" doesn't get it out I'll give her a "puppy want a time out?" and then she'll drop it. It probably isn't the best thing to threaten but eh. It gets the job done.

It's sad. It's 9 and I need to go to bed soon since I have to get up at a god awful time. Ok 530 isn't terrible. I'm just a complainer.

Help Wanted: Apply in Person

Hi so, um, I've got a job opening for a guy.

See, I'm planning on going on vacation in about a month to Key West all by myself and I've realized even though it's possible to do I should hire a guy to put sun lotion on my back.

Have you ever tried to do it? You can but, maybe it is just me, I feel like I need to stretch before hand. I could honest to god pull a muscle while trying to get that one hard almost out of reach spot on my back. That and I worry about even slathering.I don't want to end up with dime size sun burn marks all over. That would be painful on top of being wildly unattractive. Do they make sunscreen that goes on purple or something so you can see easily where it's been then it fades away? If so I should purchase some. If not IT IS MY IDEA DON'T YOU DARE STEAL IT!

Actually what I really need is a personal cabana boy. Lotion me up, spritz me, get me a drink and some towels. I'd hire him on as a model so I could hire him solely for his looks and then fire him if he for some reason started to lack in that category. How he'd go from good looking to fireable in five days I'm not sure but I'd like to keep my options open.

I really don't have the money to pay form him but perhaps I'll pay his way? Though pay for his dinner might be pushing it. If I have no need for him at night I don't see why I have to pay for his evening meals. I could give him a $25 per diem. Eeesh. That might even be pushing it. Me footing the $900 for him to come along should be enough. He can have the complimentary continental breakfast and steal some to make it through the day since that is what I'm planing on doing. I'm cheap. I've got the money to spend, I just don't want to. 

Oh, have I not spoke about my solo vacation adventure? Pardon me, let me explain...

See, I really don't have friends. Ok, I do but not enough friends where I can go through a long list to find some to go on vacation with. I got it in my head that I'd like to actually go somewhere on vacation since I've got three weeks of it (!!!!!!!!!) so I shall. I had it down to DC, San Francisco and Key West. For a while I was totally leaning SF then one night at work while browsing a magazine I saw the decision maker. A beautiful beach with crystal blue water and clear skies. Ah, Key West. That right there sold me. And the fact that when I plan on going it's going to be Hemingway Days so how could I not go?

I need to book it soon but I need to know first if my planned vacation time is going to transfer to the new store when I transfer. Eventually.

I figure at the rate things are going they'll eventually transfer me in October. I was supposed to be gone after last week. Then it changed to Friday of this week being my last. Now I'll stay put through next week. I don't enjoy this slow peel of the C-Junc band-aid. Rip it off already and transfer me because this constant state of inconsistency is annoying. And a little painful. They're dragging it out because it's going to make it all the harder to leave when the time finally comes.

Speaking of work inflicted pain, I ran into a door about three times today and it hit my arm in the same spot all three times and now I've got a gnarly bruise. The color isn't great yet but if you feel it there is a big ol' bump. I can only hope the color comes in over night.

In my defense it isn't my fault I ran into the door three times. First time I did I fixed the problem. Second time a new problem had come up, fixed it. Third time, old problem came back up and caused me new pain.

Workers comp?

So Mad I Could Spit

I can honestly say I haven't been so angry for so long towards a single person like I was yesterday. We aren't talking angry in "I'm mad but I'll get over it with an apology, nice gesture or 45 minutes."

Nah, we're talking "I'm so angry with you I cannot even look at you without my blood starting to boil." Whew. It was not good. My face was cherry red for a good portion of the day at work yesterday.

So what ticked me off? I'm being transferred at work. I found out Friday that this coming Saturday could very well be my last day at my current location. Short notice, sure but that's just how the company has always been. I really don't want to be transferred because I've made some great friends at my current location and I'm going to miss them. I don't want to be transferred because it's going to mean a longer drive. I do want to be transferred because it is the step in the right direction to move up in the company.

My immediate manager had been gone a few days so she wasn't the one to tell me, the head guy did. When I told one of the desk ladies I was being shipped out she wondered if our manager knew since she hadn't said anything when she had called earlier. I said I wasn't sure and I got back to work since I had a job to do. I told a select few people that day I was leaving because I wasn't in the mood to discuss it, I was feeling weepy over it. (Side note-I hate that I've been more of a crier lately. What the shit is up with that?!)

A while later I got a call from my manager and I could tell she knew because she asked a couple of time how it was going so I asked if she heard the news and she said yeah but not from who she should have, someone had sent her a text. We chatted about it and then after we were through talking I told the desk lady someone had tipped her off and we were trying to figure out who and concluded it probably was my manager's replacement since she's leaving soon too.

Come Sunday when she was back desk lady and I were talking with her about me being moved and desk lady asked who texted her. It turns out it wasn't her replacement but, oh what should we call him....Clorox! (I just cleaned my toilet so that's why...) Anyway, I had to suppress my urge to yell "ASSHOLE!" when she said it. And that was the the start of my crabby mood that stayed for 8 hours since it was right when I got there I found out.

Who does that? Why did he think it was his job to tell my boss I was leaving before I had a freaking chance to? I don't care  the two of them are friends, I really don't. It's bull shit. It's none of his business. Don't get me wrong, I love Clorox. He's one of my best work buds, we get along great.

I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him all day. At first I was just going to ignore it and avoid him all day until I calmed down but I soon realized I wouldn't get over it until I told him how it made me feel. I finally got my chance only it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I had hoped. I think it's cause I didn't get angry. I don't think I showed enough emotion and I think it's because he really didn't seem to care. He apologized but it wasn't very sincere sounding so I just walked away. That part was a little satisfying, I think it showed that I was serious about how it bothered me a lot. Then I did the only mature thing and didn't look at him the rest of the day. I'll be better next time I see him but for that day he was  my least favorite person.

I really don't think I'm out of line being so angry over this. I should be the one to tell my boss I'm leaving, I really should. If I was her I would have wanted to hear it from the person leaving. I didn't get the chance to. I was working. I could have took the time to call her or send a text but I was going to wait until I wasn't busy and quite frankly I didn't think someone would beat me to the punch. It's bull shit. I think what will help me better is telling her that I would have liked to have been the one to tell her I was leaving.  I just don't want her thinking I wasn't going to.

You know the title of this post probably would be more aptly named something like I'm so mad I could kick him in the nuts.

Oh! Another testament to how angry it made me: Grape Lady being kicked out three times (!!!!) in a single day didn't put a dent in my mood.

A toast to the Crazies

So I've spoke about the beloved Grape Lady, the one who steals ALL. THE. TIME.

I've talked about the random pyschos, crazy asses and just plain old jack asses but I've neglected, to tell the story of yet another resident weird: Magazine Man.

Ah Magazine Man. You truly bring a smile to my face because 1) your frigging nuts 2) you spice up the mundane  3) I get to be mean to you.

Magazine Man is clearly on something or had been on something that fried his brain because the guy is just wrecked upstairs. Ok wrecked might be a little harsh but the crayons are certainly dull in his box.

He is always after WWE (Smackdown!) magazines or those similar and 95 percent of the time we don't have the one he wants. Not because we don't carry the magazine but because he's thinking of a cover from five years ago and swears it should be on sell now. Usually he's just told that nope, if it's not there then we don't have it. There's the door. He usually gets a little huffy and leaves empty handed.

Today was different. Today we had a magazine he wanted. I saw him and was shocked he was in line. He seemed normal so I thought he'd have a normal day and be in then out with no fuss. Oh what a silly thing for me to think. Soon I found myself being called over to a a register to deal with him in an exchange that went something like this:

Me:What's up?
Cashier: He's only got $6 for the magazine. He says it's too expensive but (points to price) it's $9.95 plus tax so $10.50.
Me: Ok so it's $10 for it.
MM:That's not right!
Me-(points at price) Yes it is, we don't set those prices. (I'd like to point out I adopted my Addisyn voice, the one I use to talk to toddlers during the whole exchange)
MM-Well how much money do I have there?
C-$6.
MM-That's it? Don't I have more? (to lady behind him in line) Can you, got any change?
Lady: How much?
Me- Uh, it'll be $4.
Lady- No!
MM-Can I count, let me see the money. (He then proceedes to count it wrong and comes to conclude he's got 8 dollars) I almost have it!
Me- No (takes money back, counts it back twice) You've only got six. (it was around this time I told the cashier to call for the manager)
MM-Well...what am I supposed to do?
Me-Do you have any more money?
MM-Yeah but I'm supposed to order a tshirt tomorrow!
Me-Well you need to pay it all for the magazine. 
MM-That's not the right price! I'm going to tell Vince McMahon!
Me-It is the right price, we don't set them.
MM-(hands me a 10) I'm going to tell Vince McMahon!
Me-That's fine, you go ahead.
MM-What am I supposed to do about my tshirt?!
Me-I don't know, do you want the magazine?
MM-Well yeah. (cashier cashes out the order, he starts to walk away) I'm calling Vince McMahon! That's too expensive for that! That's not right!

Now keep in mine he's talking like someone who's been doing the drugs all afternoon, all slow/hyper/confused.

It was entertaining. I feel bad in a way since the guy isn't right but golly does it spice up the day when he's around.

Oh and to top it off a little before Magazine Man was in I was getting ready to be mean to Grape Lady. I almost had to lay the smack down on her. Now that would have been the perfect day at work. Magazine Man and Grape Lady in the store and I'd get to be mean to them both.

Ah, dare to dream Katie. Dare to dream.

As Thieves Go By...

Could somebody please explain to me why the frequent small time thief has been deemed off limits?

Why is it now suddenly ok to let this chick go on her stealing ways? Sure what she steals or "forgets" to pay for doesn't amount to more then a few dollars but it's the principle of it all! She steals! It's a crime to shoplift! She does it all the time yet we are supposed to leave her alone?! I call bullshit on this one.

The woman is a little weird in the head but clearly not incapacitated by it enough to justify her sticky fingers. She knows what she's doing is wrong because if I stalk her she goes the other way. She's been kicked out thrice but for some unknown reason she's been let in after begging for mercy and we've been told to leave her alone.

No I don't think I will, thank you very much. I will continue to stare her down whenever she's in the store. I'll keep her afraid of me. Generally when she gets to the checkouts she avoids me. She'll go the other direction, go to a different line and if I move around so I'm closer she'll line jump. But that was difficult for her the other night when I was the only option. What did she do? Put her stuff back. That's right, instead of going through my line she put it back. You have no idea how happy this makes me!

I am seriously thrilled I have my first thief who fears me. It makes for exciting days. It really does. It gives me a bit of a power trip and strokes my ego just enough to make me feel good about myself. And I can't lie, I do like it when I get to be mean. I've got to be nice all day long to jackasses and idiots that when I get to be mean and don't have to worry about it, it feels absolutely amazing.

It's similar to the feeling when I tell someone they're wrong after they are absolutely convinced they are right:

Them-"The sign said it was .99 cents a pound for the chicken!"
Me-"Ok I'll go take a look. (come back) No, that sign is for hamburger."
Them-"I don't believe it."
Me-"Well, we can go look together if you want."
Them-"Let's go"
Me-(pointing)"99 cents on the ground beef"
Them-"...oh. I don't want it then at that price!"
Me-"Ok"
Them-"Those signs are so difficult to read!"
Me-"Ok."

I personally think reading in general is difficult for the vast majority of people.

Then there are the people who come up pissed because they can't find something so I'll say what aisle it's in, they say they looked all up and down it and can't find it. So I walk them to it, right where I said it'd be then they continue to be huffy. I don't mind it when people say something like "Oh guess I'm blind!" But I do mind when they continue to be jerks.

I should make the switch to loss prevention. I'd get to stalk thieves all day long AND I'd get to be mean!

Going to Extremes

I have a question for all the Extreme Couponers out there:

What the hell do you do with 300 2 liters of soda before it expires?

Or what do you do with 112 bottles of medicine before it too expires?

Honest to God I want to know. Sure you might give some to charity, to your family or to friends but what about the remaining 200 liters?

Yes, please do stock up on 20 cans of tuna fish because you get them for free since the store is running a special of 2/ $1. And then do it again in four weeks when it comes back around on the ad cycle.

Don't these people realize they can coupon and still get deals without having to acquire a stockpile that could supply an Army outfit for an enitre minor police action?

Congratulations on your 54 bottles of laundry detergent, I know the other 78 you had at home were getting lonely.

I can't help but think "hey, great! You're saving money and I'm all for that but how much food do you end up wasting cause you forgot about the 265 packets of noodles you bought in '09 that were on the back shelf in your storage unit you have to keep for all your shit?"

At what point do these couponers think to themselves "oh hey, I'm set for about 4 years maybe I'll quit buying"?

Perhaps it is because I have to deal with couponers that I'm so against it but get real. You bought $450 worth of groceries last week for $7.34 and you're doing it again this week? Lay off! Hold back! Give it a rest!

It's an addiction, that's what it is. Yes they coupon for the most part out of necessity and to save some cash but a little part of it has to do with an addiction I think. They can't give it up or reel it in to normal standards because it is their crack. They've got addictive personalities. I bet a dollar if I gave them all a pack of smokes half of them would end up addicted.

Ok so perhaps that last part isn't true but I do think there is some addictive void being filled by couponing. Why? Because no one needs 167 packs of disposable razors at, well, their disposal! It is obscene!

I could take the couponers if 8 out of 10 weren't complete assholes. No, I am not going to check through your coupons for you to make sure the highest price ones are doubled. No I'm not going to sift through your coupons to make sure the ones you gave me actually work. If they're expired, they're expired don't try to get me to use it. If it's from another store no we don't take it even though it is a manufacture's coupon. Suck it, I don't care. Yes, amazingly enough your math might be wrong.

Another part that annoys me is how they hold up the lines. God damn do they slow the place down. Half of it is because they aren't organized, half of it is because they can't read and don't get the right product.

So let's just recap: I hate extreme couponers. And even the less extreme ones.

Love/Hate

I've got a love/hate relationship with working holidays.

The hate part has nothing to do with missing out on family activities.

The love part has nothing to do with the extra money I bank.

Nah, it's all about the phone.

I hate/love answering the phone on a day like today. Why? Because according to a very scientific study done by myself and whoever else answers the phone, 3 out of 5 calls is a "Are you open today?" or "What time are you open until today?"

My favorite was on Christmas Eve when after we were closed I did answer the phone after a few rings. The guy thanked me for answering (wtf?) And then wondered how late we were open. I can't lie. I did enjoy saying we were closed. Same as when I was walking to my car at half past and people were walking up and I got to tell them we were closed. I'm mean. 

I love keeping tallies. I do. It's kind of fun to see how many people call within a shift and ask the question. But then I hate it-the "are you open" question specifically- because if we weren't open do you think I'd be answering the phone on the second ring, numbnuts? Oy. Or better yet one the person who is supposed to answer the phone is busy and it rings about 15 times and then the person on the line asks "Are you open?" I really want to say, "Really? You just let a phone ring 15 times to a place you're not even sure of is open? Wouldn't most people think 'hey! They must be closed!' after the tenth?"

Or there's the other favorite when someone makes a comment about how it's too bad I'm working on a holiday. Well you know what, bud? If I wasn't you wouldn't be here buying all these unnecessary supplies!"

I'm an angry individual at times, what can I say?

Anyway....

I had a complete weirdo I had to deal with the other day. I was looking up something for him on the computer and I swear to god he was holding a conversation with himself. And then he was telling me about his problem how they had been in the other day and they had bought such and such. I really wanted to ask him if "they" were the imaginary people he was talking to. Then he asked me if I remembered when there was deposits on glass bottles of soda. I said no I'm not that old. And he said it was in the mid-80s to which I replied I was barely alive in the 80s. Really you psycho? You think I look that old?! You jerk. He's been added to my list of people to avoid at all costs. Him, mullet man and EveryDayCreeper are all people I head in the other direction when I see. Oh and the guy who wears the exact same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME he is in the store.

I've got to go eat more candy. I think I've only ate my weight in it today.

The Final Middle Finger

So here's something I thought of at work the other day.

Do you think Christians eat ham on Easter as an extra "f you" to Jews?

You know since kosher Jews don't eat pork products and it's Easter which is the epitome of Christian hate towards Jews. That whole "Hey you killed our Savior you BASTARDS!" when if you stop and think about it had Jesus not been crucified he'd just be another dude and not The Chosen One. But that's not the point. No the point is just a random thought that is a sign I either a) have too much time on my hands at work or b) my job is so routine I can think about these things. Ham on Easter. Is it or is it not a middle finger to Jews?

Or will Jesus coming back be the final middle finger? Yeah, that'd probably stick it to them more.

Then again maybe Jews will get the final finger when another dude shows up and turns out to be the Messiah.

Only time will tell. Though I wouldn't bet on it.


Since we're on the topic of Judaism...I totally might have to buy some kosher for Passover potato chips just because! It does start on Tuesday after all...I should try to keep a Passover diet. With the exception of buying kosher meat that is, I don't know where to buy it. I could do it. I've got two days to figure out what to eat for a week though...

(Superficial) Things I Need in a Man

Attention all eligible bachelors and anyone who would like to set me up with a good looking man (he doesn't have to be gorgeous) between the ages of 21 and 34 who is preferably 6 feet or taller I have finally come up with a list of criteria I need in a man outside of the usual relationshippy things.

I don't require much from a man. Well, ok so I might appear like I do but the stuff I'm about to list are not necessarily things he has to do but things he is willing to do. Some grumbling at an item is acceptable if at the end of the day I can get him to do said thing.

Item #1: He has to take my car for an oil change or go with me. I'll pay for it gladly. I just hate doing it.

Item #2: In cold months he needs to be willing to lay on my side of the bed for 15 minutes prior to lights out so it is nice and warm. Could I just snuggle him for warmth? Yes I most certainly could. I'm not ruling out the snuggle. I would just like sheets above teeth chattering degree.

Item #3: He has to be able to watch a baseball game. This one could very well be a deal breaker. If he can't watch a game on TV then for 162 day in a 180 day span it could be difficult to get along.

Item #4: He needs to posses better math skills or at least better patience when it comes to balancing a checkbook so when I get uber pissed because I haven't done it in four months he can figure it out. Also doing taxes and buying big ticket items such as cars falls under his purview.

Item #5: He's the exterminator of creepy bugs and spiders. I'm not doing that since it takes a solid minute to hype myself up to preform the act.

Item #6: He's got to be able to sing shamelessly along with the radio in the car. Or at the very least tolerate my terrible singing as I go note for note with Celine Dion.

Item #7: He can't be jealous of my Craig Counsell crush. I will openly make suggestive comments and he has to accept that. In return I will allow the same for one woman of his choice. The only condition is said female can't be someone he knows, she must be in the athlete/actress/singer/famous for being rich category.

Item #8: A nice back massage once in a while would be great. He provides me with a massage, I'll provide him with the happy ending. It's got to be cheaper then paying $60 an hour to have someone else rub you down.

Item #9: He needs to enjoy doing random things like dancing for no good reason or sliding on the ice. Spontaneous immaturity can be great fun.

Item #10: He needs some skills with tools and/or in building things. Those shelves aren't going to assemble themselves! Or to put it more accurately fix what I have attempted to build.

Item #11: It is his job to drive in adverse weather conditions. Unless say he's from Florida and hasn't really drove in the snow then I'll take the wheel.


There. I think that rounds out my list for now. A nice uneven 11.


Now go tell your cute TDH male friends and send any candidates my way.

UPDATE: Zoomin' who?

OH! Oh hey! So my Who's Zooming Who game was cut a little short before the big piece of evidence I was so hungry for came through. The two in question are not zooming each other. I (sort of) knew it! I'm a little sad my game has come to an end but I'm happy to have closure on the matter.

The Unintentional Hiatus

Holy frick has it been a while since I've last blogged.

Aye, what's the excuse this time, eh?

Well I haven't got one except for pure laziness and, well, an uneventful life.

Since I'm feeling guilty as to my lack of blogging I need to come up with something to write about. Is there anything better to write about then my favorite person in the world Addisyn? No. So here we goooooooooo!

Oh my goodness Little Miss Thang is becoming more of a little girl then a baby every time I see her. Ok ok so I guess she hasn't technically been a baby for over a year now, she's a toddler. She's still a friggin' baby to me though! I know its cliche but damnit! I can remember like it was yesterday when all she was was a snuggle blob, to put it poetically.

Where to start? She's amazing at knowing what sounds animals make. Few stump her and she picks up on new ones like that! (yes, I did just snap) My favorite that she does has to be a tie between what does a horse say? Neeeeeeeeeigh! and what does a cat say? Eeeeeeow! There's no Me to her meow. Yet.

Body parts and articles of clothing are a thing of the past. She's had that down for a few month now. It's still a little bit of a shocker when you say hey you! Go get your shoes! And she fishes out the pair she wants to wear. Or better yet when she knows what shoes are mine. I was at the 'rents the other day when she was up and we had gone out earlier in the day to play with the bubbles and I had asked her if she'd put my shoes on for me. She didn't then but later when my ma and pa were getting her ready to take her back to her pops she came running over to me with my shoes, held them out and said, "Here Kaykey!" Aww. It doesn't sound like much in print put in person that shit just melts my heart.

That same day she wanted to help with something in the kitchen cause I guess she likes cooking so I made some cookies with her. Every time I turned on the beaters she'd look at me and yell," Stop peeeease! Stop peeease! Stop peeease!" For some reason she didn't like that part. She did like sticking her wooden spoon in everything and licking it. If anyone ate the current batch of cookies at my parents' house, congratulations you ate some Addy spit. Sorry.

She's doing a good job with those find the object in the picture books. You know where they have a cow, horse, pig, dog in a box and also in the picture. She does very well with them. She's also doing ok with her colors. She counts a little and knows some of the alphabet. If you're counting something out, like cups of flour, and she's by you sometimes she picks up where you left off . It's cute.

She's no longer restricted to one word communication, she's started on simple sentences. A lot of "I help!" or "I'm comin'!" Words with please thrown in.

She's also getting a little bit of an attitude. But she's two so that's normal. There's a whole lot of MINE! going around or you'll be sitting in a chair and she crawls up in your lap and for a second you think "Ah! She wants to snuggle!" and you get all excited only to realize what she's really doing is attempting to throw you off the chair because it's "Addy's chair!"  She's starting to realize more when she's done something naughty because she's takes her talkin' to like a champ and generally stops what ever it was. Temporarily at the very least.

Perhaps the best thing she's learned as of late is to help chant Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Scott Walker's got to go!

If someone says hey, hey! She'll go ho, ho! And sometimes if you ask her who has to go she'll give you a Scott Walker only it sounds more like Sot Walkeh! She gets the got to go part at times too. She's a smart girl learning to dislike that terrible human.

I'm sorry but the man has won douche of the year and it's only March. That takes talent. He's not right. Nope. Not right. It's all in the approach Mr. Governor and your approach is terrible. Terrible which starts with t that rhymes with gee as in Gee, we're in trouble if your budget repair bill and budget goes through as is because apparently you think public education isn't something to take seriously you fuck.

Whoa. Yeeeeah. Yeah sorry about that.

Ok. I think that's enough for now. And no. I didn't proof this.

Keeping the mind sharp

Some people like to ward off the mental cobwebs with sudoku, word finds or crosswords. I am not one of those people (though who am I kidding, I do love me a crossword!) Instead I like to play a game that's one part creepy, two parts detective and three parts fun. I call it the Who's Zooming Who game.

I've played it in the past and have had a ball with it.It's easy to play. All you do is try to figure out if people are dating/doing it. Generally it really isn't that hard and the game is over in a few days. But the current game I'm in, oh, let me tell you. I have had to pull out all the stops. Well, ok, not really but it's been a difficult one to figure out. I think I've been playing this current round for about a month and I'm still unable to figure it out. But I have learned today that I will get a surefire answer in a few weeks if all goes as planned but I kind of want to figure it out on my own. I want to know, I really do but a part of me doesn't. I don't know if I'll be disappointed or relieved once this game is over. A big part of me doesn't not want the two subjects to be zooming so I'm afraid of the let down if the big piece of the puzzle comes through and they are in fact two becoming one. But then a part of me will be ok with that because then I can move on and start a whole new game, I'm Going to Screw with You because I Know. It too will be a fun game to play.

Never before has two subjects- whom we will refer to as Taylor and Riley because they are both unisex names (could be two dudes, could be two girls, could be one of each!)- made the game so tough for me. I know for a fact Riley has someone in their life. I know it. Riley speaks out it often. Taylor? Not a clue. Taylor and Riley can be seen hanging together while on breaks. But then again Taylor also sometimes hangs with me while on breaks. I have it from one unreliable source that the two are indeed in a relationship. I can't believe the source 100 percent because the source has a history of lying. Then there are things like Riley had a few days off, didn't go anywhere special like out of state but did spend it in another city. If it were me had I had a few days off and didn't have any plans I think I'd kick it with my man. I get nothing from Taylor. They are incredibly unhelpful in my game. But Taylor gives more away with subtle things with body language and buying habits. Yes. You are damn right I look at those!

The kicker will come in a few weeks. Then I will know for sure if, as I said, everything goes as planned. I will have a final answer to this great game. Then depending on the answer I get to start on my new game which might be equally satisfying.

I should start charting my findings. It might make things more clear and easier to draw conclusions. It might make it more creepy. I'll have to think about that.