If its not one thing, then its another.

First off, there is something that I want to blog about, something on my mind but in this circumstance my sense of censorship will prevail. It isn't so much something bad, something that will land me in trouble as something that....well, could make things awkward. no that's not the word, not awkward but....weird if my dear sweet blog came to be read by eyes it is not intended for. Yeah. Does, does that make sense? No? Yeah, well don't worry yourself with it.

Anyhoo. Get this. Ashley and I have come to the conclusion that in photos that we are not smiling in I look like a mentally challenged person and Ashley looks drunk. This is a common thread through out pictures of our youth. You look at Ashley, eyes half closed, head tilt to the side in a drunken manner at age 1. You look at me, scrunched up face and/or mouth, sometimes a tongue hanging out and I look "special" at 14 months. Tyler? A drunken retard. (I know, that wasn't PC of me) It's just funny. We found a photo over the weekend that is the culmination of this theory of drunk/special. At our grandpa's 80ths birthday party, Ashley and me have the classic faces that have been following us all our life. I look like I ate paint chips as a child and Ashley looks like she's been swimming in a vat of vodka. The reality? None of that is true...at least I don't think I ate paint chips...

Gah! I don't like the way my hands feel after I do dishes, it drives me bonkers.

Great news, I get to start eating a piece of chocolate every day starting Saturday. Guesses? Any one? Bueller? Advent Calender time bitches! A little hypocritically maybe but its one with Santa on it, not dear lord baby jesus 6lb 8oz, watching his Baby Einstein videos.

Right-o. Time for me to rustle up some grub.
Cha!

Reunited and it feels so good...

Bonjor my little cheeses.

Miss me? Offff course you did!

I'm back in black. Back in the habit, in the groove again. Choose one or none. Submit your own, I don't care.

Annnnnd I don't have much to say. Nothing seems to be infuriating me, annoying me, pleasing me, or just making me feel any sort of strong emotion at this time.

Oh my Chunky soup is done!

I thought it was going to be done prematurely (thats what she said) but all is well. SON OF A BITCH! I just dropped my gum in my milk! Nuts! Here I was, trying to be all gum Conservative and I didn't get it to stick to the cup right. Shitbricks. My milk will now have a hint of spearmint. (Chicken Wild Rice with savory vegetables or something like that in case anyone is curious. With giant hunks of carrots...yuck)

Ah nutter butters. I've got a fair amount of crapola to do.

Where are my manners?! Please excuse me, did you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving? (Yeah I know, call and response isn't going to work well here...) Mine was pretty nice. Ate a lot of food, drank some good booze as it goes with family tradition. Though the only complaint I have is there was no corn. And that I'd really like a Thanksgiving one of these years where the food is normal. That means no turkey done in a strange fashion (ie smoked or deep fried) and the rest of the food to be normal. The potatoes this year? Not so much. I won't complain since it was delic, and since we didn't have a pork tenderloin instead of turkey. (now that is one for the books, one that goes down in infamy...and when the children were banished to the basement back room to eat a few years back...)

Alright seriously. I need to do some homework before Dirty Jobs. (Tuesday nights, 8 PM central, check your local listings)

Buh-Bye

Oh, two more things...

I forgot somethings

• You know how people are against animal cruilty? I'm against the cruilty of naming your kid something bad. This organization would probably base itself out of LA thanks to those damn celebrities.
• I think that "Inside the Margin of Error" would make a good name for a political show/column. DON'T STEAL IT! I need it for in a few years maybe! ...unless there is one already called that...

Ok now I think I am done.

Whew!

Purple Chicken Grapefruit Wings

Random. The contents of this post to come, as hinted by the title. Yes I know that most of my posts are pure random nonsense but usually there are a confluent of events that lead up to it. Not this one, oh no. It will be writings in margins, writings on scraps, things not written, things just thought. There will be no symmetry, no rhyme or reason, really no point.

So get ready.

• I'm fairly certain I'd accept/believe anything Matt Lauer would tell me. Brian Williams? Not so much. Tom Brokaw, oh yeah. But Matt Lauer could tell me to eat carrots, wash it down with orange juice and I just might do it cuz he said so. If anyone else did, I wouldn't.
• I tend to hum/do the musical instrument noises to two songs more often then any other. Yellowcard's "Ocean Avenue" and from Hector Berlioz's Symphony Fantastique "March to the Scaffold"
• Is it possible to sue the university for bodily harm because two days in a row I had to write exams for an hour and a half each sitting with no time to stop which has resulted in my neck hurting. (I'd never do it...though the money would be nice!)
• I don't like it when people eat during class.
• Nancy Pelosi I perceive to be a vicious woman. First the democratic Whip now Speaker. You go girl!
• I wonder if anyone had the balls to call Barbara Bush "Babs"
• The word Awkward looks awkward. (I think I've said that...)
• Hebrew written looks like a mixture of Arabic and Brail, with all those little dots.
• According to Freud, religion is a substitute for the human psyches' repression of urges of incest, cannibalism and murder. Draw your own conclusions. I find that as an interesting and fascinating analysis.
• I want to find the magnadoodle we used to have. You know, that thing with the little disks that you stuck your pen in one hole and then scribbled it all around to make beautiful spirals and stuff.
• I draw a shit ton of birds/landscape scenes in my notes.
• A woman was wearing a ton of leather the other day and I couldn't help but wonder how many cows perished for that ensemble.
• JJ Hardy's autograph is a bad one.
• Why do we call China east when in reality it is to the west? I guess the whole reason it is called the far east might give way to the fact it really isn't east. Or it is probably a left over from the British. Um hello West Indies.
• Armies are using lasers?! WHAT! Some kid said that in a class, that they are finding soldiers and stuff with laser beam holes in them and my first thought was naturally "I want sharks with friggin laser beams on their heads!"
• When talking about Kurds and Turks fighting, in my mind I imagine turkeys and cheese curds. Say what you will.
• Stephen Colbert's "I Am America (And So Can You!)" is one of the only books I have ever read that I am laughing out loud. (I haven't finished it yet...so good!)
• I've come to the conclusion that baseball is the sport for commitment-phobs. Today the Brewers traded Johnny Estrada, who hasn't even been here a year. So, if a person doesn't like to get used to someone, watch baseball cuz the rosters change so freaking much. Then I'd recommend that a person with abandonment issues shouldn't watch it. Watch golf. No teams, just a bunch of dudes/ladies doing their thing.
• I'm a phase person. I can watch the same movie 20 times in a row and then not watch it again for a year. Same with music. I'll listen to one artist for a week then not again for a while. I find this to be problematic when I think about the future, but *fingers crossed* it'll be an advantage.

Ok. I think that is enough for now.

Mmmm. Have a nice Thanksgiving. Home tomorrow and well, I don't blog from home. Usually.
I'm off like a brides nightie.

What?

I must share. I saw a lady with more facial hair then my brother last night. I mean. Seriously. She had a goatee. My question is, in a situation such as that why not shave? wax? nair? I'm not all about body perfections but this was... just what it was. Odd.

Alright. I have to work in a short while, nice and early, so I should not be doing this. I was a nice person last night. Worked late for a lady. Then I remembered that by the time I was done, it'd be a mere twelve hours until I worked again. Le Sigh. Just like the summer time I guess. Work til 11, come in at 11. work til Midnight, come in at 10. (I think she needed a tutorial on how to be a little nice when it comes to a scheduling situation. )

Right. Byebye

Silly me. I forgot something. Happy Birthday to Ryan Braun. And no! I'm not a creepy person who can rememeber all the players birthdays! With all the Rookie of the Year stuff I was looking at his profile and noticed it was coming up. Anyway, he is 24 today. (easy math for me since it is the same year as Tylers...hehe) Ok. now I'm done!

I..I...somehow fudged the colors up. whoopsy.

whore! whore! whore! merry christmas!

Apparently, in Australia, Santa is being encouraged to say "Ha Ha Ha" instead of "Ho Ho Ho".
Are you serious? That is just crossing some unspeakable line when Santa gets drudged down. I won't stand for it. Santa is Santa for pissakes! He has been the same for a very long ass time and that is not to be messed with. I'd slap any woman I meet who is offended by that. Political correctness is one thing but the sanctity of Christmas is another. Politics come and go but Santa comes every damn year the same damn day and well, HE WINS!

I feel a little better now.

Hehe. I was just texting Lauren and we where discussing our love for Google and I told her that I loved Google so much I should name a child that. I would name him Pubert Google. Pubert is the baby in the Addams Family movie (we just watched both of them). Then I amended that to say I'll name a dog that. So now I have two names for dogs. Pubert Google and King Wags-a-lot. I wonder though, if every time I were to use Google I'd have to put that little copyright c after it. Or would it be a trademark? Hmm. I don't know...

Barry Bonds got indited for lying to a Grand Jury and obstructing justice. If convicted, and if he gets what any normal person would get, he could go to jail for 30 years. I'm assuming that will probably not happen but wow. All because of steroids. See kids, not only do they make your balls shrink they can also land you in a federal prision!

Um, yeah. That's all I got for now.

Bowser's Castle

So the Waupun Prison looks like a castle in Super Mario. How do I know this? Well, it is on lock down right now because a prisoner is holding a lady hostage. The people on the news say its an isolated thing so no prison break will be happening I'm assuming. But anyway, lets focus on how it looks like something straight out of Mario! When I look at it I feel like I should be dodging fireballs, turtles and mushrooms. The Red Gym in Madison also looks a lot like Bowser's many castles.

I played a lot of Super Mario 3 yesterday with Lauren. I was wowing her with my skillz. Teaching her all that she needs to know. Where are the magical whistles to whisk you away to different levels? How about the one ups that aren't in plain sight? The music note box things that send you up to coin heaven. Not to mention where to fly when you have the leaf to get even more goodies.

I could be using my memory and what not for something better. But man. When did Mario 3 come about? Early 90's? I've been playing that game for over a decade I'm guessing. First on the old school Nintendo, then the Super Nintendo. Even after not playing the game for a long ass time I still know where most everything is. Oh. I want to play it now. But I can't, must go to class soon.

Oh and 3.14? Yeah. 3.14 = Pi = Pie. I was eating pie when I was writing my last blog post. hehe.

Adios.

3.14

Aw, wtf mate. The picture of Craig Counsell doesn't seem to be working. Pooey.

Thanks to South Park and Cartmen I can no longer eat a pot pie with out saying in my head, "no kitty! that's my pot pie!" Damn you. But my pot pie is delic. Though the carrot chunks are huge which is not delic.

This one class of mine is just filled with unique people. Unique by the either look like a celebrity or they annoy me. First there is the kid that looks like Doogey Howser. Then the dude that looks like Jerry O'Connell. And for the two that annoy me, there's the kid who asks too many questions, many of them stupid. I don't care what your mother told you, there are such things as stupid questions. Then there is the kid who licks his lips all the time, making that slup noise every 30 seconds. Get some chap stick or something.

Oooh, I sat next to a real winner at the computer lab yesterday. First when I sat down she looked at me like I was stupid or something. Usually I try not to sit next to a person but it was busy so I had to. Then she just kept smacking away on her gum. And the way she was sitting was weird. She was leaning forward so if she was talented she coulda probably typed with her boobs but her chair was pushed way out so no one could get through. That posture must do wonders for her back. And she kept looking over at me. I wanted to be like "what the fuck are you looking at?" Buuuut I didn't.

Mmm the crust is the best part of my pot pie! AND! I get pumpkin pie as well! Though the crust isn't burnt on that since the new oven at home is all weird. I like my crust burnt damnit!

My love for Garth Brooks might be in jeopardy. I was listening to him on the way back yesterday and the song "The American Honky Tonk Bar Association" Was playing and well, it is incredible republican. And I can't have that. Though I think all his other songs will out weigh this catastrophe but still. Look and see for yourself: When Uncle Sam dips in your pocket For most things you don't mind But when your dollar goes to all of those Standing in a welfare line" YOU REPUBLICAN! I don't mind welfare bitch!

Ok. No mas. Must do stuff, like shower and eat pie before Dirty Jobs.

I'm off like a prom dress.

(BOOM! Guesses as to the title?)

We're taking this thing National!

It is my duty and delight to inform you all that one Mr. Ryan Braun, third basemen for the Milwaukee Brewers, has been named National League Rookie of the Year.



Thank you. This public service announcement is over. Now on to more pressing news...


You mother is a dirty whore Trebek! Sorry, it's been one of those days. A day of stress that now is winding down. The stressing factors have diminished and all is well for now. And this blog entry is going to be filled with random, random stuff.


Why is there a need for an anti-aging deodorant? I can get behind anti-aging face wash, cream, body wash but pit stick? Are you kidding me? A person can't have their armpits look a little wrinkly?



In the store the other day I think I saw beret man. You know, http://http://kt433.blogspot.com/2007/04/observations-from-policy-class.html dude? The beret? Still there because other wise I wouldn't have a clue who he was.



Oh and you see that hat on ol Ryan? Yeah that's the one I want for Christmas. It a batting practice hat (why they need a hat for batting practice I don't know I think that's wasteful) Observe.


So I got two new pens. One pack, two different colored ink. Wowza. They're passable but if I had the option to buy them again I might pass it up.


Gah. I need to finish unpacking. Look at Ryan and be amazed by his abilities. I was tempeted to post a picture of my favorite but...well I've just convinced myself to do so...



Holla! I'm outtie.

...ppst! Remember that for some reason I am blogger illiterate? yeah. That's the reason for the spaces and the lack of hyper links. I get pissed when I try to fix it so I just don't bother.

And then there were 24

So long Pentel EnerGel number one, soon Pilot Precise Grip number two will join you in that big pocket protector in the sky. It has been a fun journey together, you were dependable and strong right up until the end when you ran out of ink, a desirable end for a pen. You were a lucky one, writing a full long life unlike the few unfortunate that explode or suffer from a clot that is beyond repair. Your hermaphrodite sibling, as you were as well, will resume your spot in the backpack. As for you Pilot Precise Grip, I fear your time is drawing to a close. Your last lines fading as they come spewing from your tip. You start strong but are too weak to continue and all my effort, the scribbles, the licking, the meticulous wiping to rid any foreign particle that might be aiding your plight has proved fruitless. I will let you linger in the Cup for a short while more. Having called up your replacement, number four, from it's protection of the package it came in years ago. Number one, three and now four are still writing strong, and will continue the momentum you have gave me. Let it be known by the bend in your tip that your time has been well spent. I have scribbled many a thought with you, in the process perhaps aiding to your demise. You were injured by the fever of which I write, furiously trying to get what lies in my head out onto the white canvas before me. I bid my dear pens farewell and turn my eye to the remaining 24 all within an arms reach. (and that excludes the ones over yonder, still waiting for the day they grace a page). It has been fun.

...

I did just do that. And no, I haven't been drinking.

Hmm...two pens down...that's about a pack...that means I could justify getting mommy dearest to buy me some new ones when I go home tomorrow. Oooh. Or should I wait for the sheets to cool a bit? No no. Perhaps I will *gasp* go for some with blue ink! I am pretty much a black ink only person. I have one pen (and it's twin) in the starting rotation that is blue but its an amazing blue.

...

Haven't I warned you people that I can go on and on about my pens/markers/sharpies? Some people hold a special whatever for wine, shoes, cars. I hold that whatever for my pens. They are both practical and beautiful. Much like myself. (don't deny!) Seriously. If you need anything out of me, want anything out of me or just want me to love you (not like that!), buy me a pen. They are one of the keys to my heart.

On that note, have a nice night and weekend.

Until I blog again...snuggles all around!

Ghetto Superstar!

How can it be, that I have not talked about my ghetto fabulous car?

I know what you're thinking Buick= Gangsta. The extra smooth ride plus the sheer size makes it a total ghetto mobile, I know. Ol Bessy Lou is a total beast. But the most ghetto aspect of my blue Buick is the fact that to change where the heat blows out (you know feet or defrost) I have to use a wrench. Yeah. The knob snapped off and I'm tooling around with a huge wrench that's about three times too big for the job in my front seat. That's what makes my car ghetto. Not exactly a good idea to try and switch the air flow while driving...no. Don't, don't try it. It's pimp alright.

In other news, what the hell Blogger? What is this "Blogs of Note"? This seemingly unimportant recognition of a person's blog you have going on? I want that! Pick me! Choose me! Recognize me! (I got a crinkled bill with George Washington on for anyone who can tell me what TV show I was channeling with that last line)

Creepy message board people are just that, creepy. I'm talking about the weirdos on IMDB who say the weirdest things and the people on the Dirty Jobs one on Discovery (YES! I have been there ok? I just read them when I'm bored! I'm not one of the weird posters) Dude those people on that one...they scare me. They know that what they're saying will be read by someone on the show and they still say it. They're crazy. It's like ok, vocalize your stalkerness and say things that go beyond the normal fandom of "oh I like the show. Oh your cute. Oh your funny" and go to the beyond. The land of creepy obsession. Just go read some of the threads floating around out there. Crazies. All around. Some message boards are fine. They're normal with normal people who aren't creepy. Ok. Done with that.

In case you were wondering, which I'm guessing you're not, only one more thing on my list to blog about. Ironically enough, it's the first thing I have on it. And no, not everything I've said has been on the list...Right.

I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out.
Catch you on the flip side, homes!

Paid by the Pound

Get this. Curt Schilling, a Red Sox pitcher, signed a contract extension for next year with a weight clause. The dude is going to get paid a bonus to not be pudgy! There's something like three random weigh in's and then one every month. He gets $333,333 every time he meets his goal weight. $333,333 for putting down the potato chips and picking up a carrot stick. I think Major League Baseball is on to something. I think that everyone who needs to shed a few should have a money incentive! Let's examine this further...

If we were to pay tubys to become sticks then we might be saving some money in the long run. These people who need to collect money from government programs because their ass is too big to fit through the door will be milking the system for quite sometime. If on the other hand we said look here fatty, you lose 100 pounds and get yourself all healthy we'll give you a couple thousand. The government could use private contractors like Jenny Craig and Nutrasystem to provide food at a low low cost! Get the Y to have a discount rate. This wouldn't fly for the people who need to shed a few lbs. This would be for those who are classified as obese by the BMI.

Alright so we have a solution to getting people to slim down but how about a prevention? Well...what about a Sin tax? We hike up the cost of cigarettes because we know that they probably will kill you. Maybe we should hike up the price of Cheetos. No, no I don't like that because there are a few of us who likes to eat them...in MODERATION! (oh Ashley, tell me you know who says that?) I know! The government gives tax breaks to people who drive hybrids so what about giving a tax break to those who fit in the proper weight category for their height/build/age? Every year you'd have to go see the doctor, he'd sign off on your weight, send it directly to the IRS so you couldn't fudge it. Plus then more people might go to the doctor and get a little more preventive medicine. But the government would have to pay the doctors for their time, or give them yet another tax break for having to do the work.

Naturally not everyone would be satisfied with the system. There are the few who have an eating addiction (oh btw, we'd penalize the people with bulimia and anorexia to get them to eat more) so in those such cases exceptions would have to be made. But in many cases, people are just lazy asses who'd rather grab a cheeseburger, fries and a large soda than oh I don't know a freaking sub?

I'm brilliant. Thank you Curt Schilling.

Breaking News

Is anyone else sick of people focusing on Hillary Clinton's boobies? I am. I'm sick of articles about the risque suit she wore or her hairstyle. Come on! Is it important? No.

People don't think she'd make a good President because she might have issues with foreign leaders that aren't down with ladies having power. That some leader in Saudi Arabia or something would get his undies in a bundle over it. Uh, hi. Yeah. She'd be the President of the United States. Um you know, us? The country with oh-so-much power. If I were her I'd flash them the nuclear launch codes and be like "bitch please, I may have ovaries but I also have the key to total world destruction."

People worry that if there was another Sept. 11 type deal that she wouldn't react well. Be too compassionate or whatever. Yeah. She may be slower to react, take the diplomatic route for a while but please. You piss off a woman enough then damn, you be screwed. I don't have any personal experience with pissing off a mom or being a pissed off mom since, well, I lack the children but I can only imagine. (Ok so I've pissed my mom off but that's not the same.) If we're anything like the animals I've seen on those wild safari shows then someones jugular is going to get ripped out.

With all that said...I don't know who I'll be voting for. Hell it might not even matter by the time Wisconsin votes in the primary. I don't know the date yet but I think there is something like 20 states going in one day. It'll be over by then. Just wait. I know you're quivering with anticipation to see who I endorse, since they will have the full weight of me behind them. And that is a powerful thing.

Is it ok that I'm slightly annoyed that my grandparents don't know how to spell my name? At least it's spelled wrong on the address list on the forwards I get. (I won't get into my distaste for forward emails.)

Sad that the writers strike is on. No new Conan. Though there is something about a well organized protest for a legitimate reason that I like.
...you can say it. Freak, dork. Take your pick. Heard 'em all.

Ok. I'm off to do nothing. Yay!

Keep cool my babies

and ew! Rachel Ray on TV.

Comes Standard.

Happy Time Change Day! Back to standard time we go! And I think the time on my blog has already be reflecting that...at least for the past week. A whoops. As if I didn't need another reason to drink they throw a time change at me. Why not celebrate I say? With the change of when we do it, we're saving oil. Which means we should be lessening our reliance on foreign oil, which sounds like a nice reason to drink!

I'm kidding of course. I'm not boozing it up over the extra hour of sleep last night. I'm looking at the clock and shuddering because it's 630 and well, I could nap.

But a fantastic reason to drink is the necessity for freezer room. Went shopping at Woodman's today with the roomie and whoa baby. Did we buy a ton of shit. We had coupons! COUPONS GALORE! And oh baby sister did those things come in handy. Saved like 15 bucks with mine. Shwing! So we drank some margarita! because we needed to make room in the freezer. I won't tell you how much I spent. A bad bad amount. Lets just say that if I went at PNS it woulda been over a 100 bucks...

on top of the 50 I spent at Kohls. YIKERS! Yeah. I wanted to feel happier and so spending my money that I work so damn hard to get makes me so. I bought pretty shirts! and a pretty bra which I could have done without (since no one but me will see it) but it was pretty! and on sale AND we had special coupons for an extra 15% off. Oh and I had to get gas today. Shit. But the good thing? Total it was about a weeks pay. So I got that going for me.

But what I don't have going for me is that I can't get money. I need to go home to get money because they don't cash payroll checks the bastards. Le sigh.

Frankenstein and Prometheus...I do not want to write about yoooooooooooooou! (I'm writing this blog so I can waste time you see)

Poor Lauren. She is realizing that her dislike for Mike Rowe is not a common feeling. Me, that one chick that I can't remember her name, and her sister. She should just cross over to the dark side. Enjoy his voice already. I think I pin pointed why I like it so much. Its the epitome of an American man's voice. He can read me the Constitution or something. I'll leave the phone book and dictionary for Jack Davenport.

I'm sorry. I know, I know. I tend to get on a theme and stick. My apologies and I shall now go. I need to come up with a thesis statement and paragraph.

Word to your fathers.

I'll be Joe for Christmas

Isn't it absolutely crazy that Christmas is less then 2 months away?! I know! It does not feel like Christmas should be in my mind somewhere. It doesn't feel like November. What happened to the days when November meant winter coats? Hell even Halloween costumes had to have the potential for warm clothes. That doesn't happen any more! Gloab warming I guess...or La Nina. One of those things. It is an inconvient truth that's for sure Mr Gore.

I've already started a Christmas list. It has two things on it so far. Yay. Last year was the first year in many that I actually sat down and made a good list. Usually it's just "oh yeah I want that. Yeah I guess that'd be alright" I want a Brewers batting practice hat but I don't know how big my head is. They're fitted you see. I also want "All The President's Men" I am completly taken at the moment by the Watergate reporting. I just...mm. Loves it. Nothing is better then a movie like that to me. And if this was Conan at this time a big stamp would stamp me "Dork" instead of "Ass"

It cannot be good that I can push on one of my ribs and it pops back into place. What the hell is that all about?

So I got screwed by work. I requested next weekend off, go home see the changes, it's my pops' birthday, do a little laundry and eat some good food. And I didn't get it. That blows. I haven't been home since...mm like the third weekend of September and now I won't be home until flipping Thanksgiving and let me tell ya, if the fuck that up there will be hell to pay. I wrote that down twice now and well, phhh, if I don't get it there is no way I am staying in Whitewater all by my lonesome self. I'll raise hell.

I don't know why, but last night some guy called his wife a wiener and it made me laugh. On the inside, of course. Didn't want to look like a freak. I have no idea why it made me giggle but it did. Perhaps it was the delivery or perhaps it is because no one uses wiener anymore but hehe. It's making me laugh right now. Oh boy. Oh, this...this is just sad.

Ok. I'm done with the laughing at the juvenile word..for now. Lets face it, my head will never get out of the gutter.

And what is up with the Backstreet Boys?! First off, they're still around. Secondly Kevin is no longer in the group. I sure can pick them. Lance is gay and Kevin is no more. My record for boy bands of 0-2. I was never into 98 degrees.

Right-o. Off to make some lunch. Have a nice day.

(PS...the title? How Lowell on Wings thought I'll be home for Christmas went...)

Are You Good Enough?

I've been pamphlet-ed. Last night at work, I got pegged as a sinner. A lady gave me a pamphlet entitled, "Are You Good Enough to go to Heaven?" Does my heathen light shine that bright? She said she gives them to everyone, alright I guess. I was going to throw it away but then I thought to myself that this should make an interesting read.

Oh, it did alright. I'm such a dork that I highlighted the good parts. That's how I am, I'm a highlighter. I'll highlight something that's convicting me of eternal damnation.

Basically, it revolves around the ten commandments and how I should live my life in accordance to them. Yeah alright. But my favorite part is the end, when they tell you you're screwed. That "This may sound strange, but the worst thing you could do at this point in time is to try and clean up your lifestyle...Should a judge let a murderer go because he says he will now live a good life? No, he's in debt to justice and therefore must be punished."

Apparently you can't turn to God. "The Law of God is merely like a mirror--all a mirror does is show you the truth. If you see egg on your face, you don't try and wash yourself with the mirror, its purpose should be to send you to the water for cleansing. Neither should you try and wash yourself with the mirror of God's Law...that's not its purpose." I think I've been lied to by my pastor. Granted the last time I've talked to one was oh, 8th grade but still..

And apparently God isn't nice. He's not up for forgiving sins and well, I feel bad for the Catholics who spend time confessing their sins cause I guess that's just a waste of time in the long run. And he's vengeful. Damn. "The very thing that many people are hoping will save them on Judgement Day, God's 'goodness' will be the very thing that will condemn them. If God is good, He should punish murderers, liars, thieves, etc., and Hell will be their dreadful fate." Those poor, poor born again's. I'm sure they're gonna be pissed when they find out all this.

Oh and there's no greater insult to God then calling him a liar. Which I'm not, I'm just not calling him anything at all.

This pamphlet is so damn cheery! "Does the fact that you have sinned against God scare you? It should. You have actually angered Him by your sin." Um, ok? I like how the whole tone of this thing is into scaring you into getting down with God. Personally I don't react well to people trying to scare me or being a bitch to me. You try to scare me into something like this and the chances of me believing are slim to none.

Oh and forget your health and everything else. You need to prioritize and it should be your eternal salvation. I'm gonna use that when I go to the doctor next. "sorry doctor. I didn't have time to eat my vegetables you see, I got this pamphlet and it told me to set aside my health and work on my faith."

The ironic part of it all? This pamphlet that is anything but comforting was wrote by a dude named Ray Comfort. Thanks Ray! I'm giving you a sign with my hand right now and here's a hint: it's not a big ol' thumbs up.

I have no problem with people believing in God. I truly, honestly don't. What I have a problem with is when they try to pass it off on me. I grew up going to Sunday school and confirmation, somewhere along the way I just realized it's not for me. I'm sorry. Please stop. I'm a pessimistic person in some areas and religion is just that. I cannot wrap my head around the idea of a God who I am supposed to champion but cannot please. It makes no sense. I'm supposed to go my whole life through trying my best to please Him and still end up on the outside? I live my life with morals and ethics, most can be considered the same as Christian ideas. I don't do really bad things, I do make mistakes but at least I strive. I don't push my beliefs of science and evolution on others. If they don't agree with me then whatever, I'm not going to try to convert them to the Church of Darwin. They are my beliefs. Mine. I don't expect anyone to be just like me. I'm tolerant but I don't think I could live my life with someone who is completely immersed in God. That's just me. Plus I don't think we'd get along at all.

Ok enough with this!

I don't really have anything else to say....except there is a very real possibility that I'll get out of school in four years. Booyah grandma!

Ok I'm outtie...and no I didn't proofread beyond the spellcheck.