Murder, She Bleached

While wasting my days away at the grocery store, I must come up with ways to entertain myself. Mostly I'm off in my own little world, thinking about things to write about, things I need to do, and just random things. I go through the motions of the work and pay the slightest attention necessary to what I'm doing. Once in awhile I'll be pulled out of my world where unicorns frolic and leprechauns play poker with the Keibler elves on a landscape full of rainbows, gerbera daisies, and sparkling blue waterfalls with lush ponds back to reality. Usually it's because the person before me has a question that doesn't warrant the standard "It'll be on sale with the card," or "It took it off right there" and then sometimes it because of what I see before me. The content of a persons cart speaks volumes to me. I don't read tarot cards, I read grocery carts. Usually it's just something like "oh right, you weigh 350 pounds and I see that with your seven bags of chips, two 24 packs of soda and loads of junk food you must really be thinking about that diet your blabbling about." or a box of condoms hid under a magazine and I can't help but think what you'll be up to later tonight and when I say have a good night you're probably thinking oh I will be.

Point is 98% of people have boring grocery carts that don't bring me out of leprechaun land. Then there was the lady on Saturday...or was it Friday? Doesn't matter. Maybe it's too much CSI, maybe it's too much imagination but the woman bought 14 things of bleach and all I could think was who'd you kill and are gonna disintegrate with bleach in your bathtub? Really. That's a lot of bleach. I don't think the people who wash uniforms of football players go through that much of bleach. Woman, what are you up to? That's all I could think about. Sure she wrote a check that was from some organization , sure it's probably a year supply, but it could be a cover up. I know if I was gonna melt someone away in my bathtub I'd find some way to cover up the purchase of a couple gallons of bleach.

I've got a bit of a criminal mind. Good thing I use my mind for good not evil. Maybe I should put it to work catching criminals.... Yeah right. I almost typed that without laughing. But seriously. My counterfeit plan is pretty kick ass. I'd just never counterfeit. The major reason being I don't wanna do time and also cause I don't know how to make fake money and I don't wanna learn how.

Speaking of criminals! Saturday night at like 11 or 1130 my roommate and I were just watchin' TV, I had heard some cops in the background didn't think much of it when my roommate exclaims "THE COPS ARE HERE!!" So naturally we shut off all the lights, I stuck my face against the window like a Garfield, my roommate cracked open the door to the deck and we sat in the dark watching and listening as the police came runnin' into the building. There was like four or five cop cars in all. After about twenty minutes in which we watched, and of my running from the window to the door in the dark to try to hear any action in the hall, the police retreated from the building. Disappointingly no one was cuffed or stuffed. I wonder what the hell was going on. Then last night another cop showed up and knocked on the door below us so naturally we listened again. The cop was looking for the previous occupants, the ghettos. I think my theory holds true. They were drug dealers. Why else would people knock at all hours of the night with out leaving after a normal time span? Why else would someone show up and knock the shave and a hair cut...Twwwwwooooooooooo bits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like it was code saying "Hey it's me let me in I need to smoke a bowl or I need some crack for my pipe." I also have a theory that tubby is making bathtub moonshine. There are some strange noises that come from up in that bathroom... and no not like people noises. Like something is rolling. So I don't know, I just decided he's making moonshine.

So there you have it. People being disintegrated, people in trouble with the law and people making hooch.

Word to your fathers.

OH! And happy Cincooooooooo de Mayoooooooo! It's Javiers birthday today. You know, the piñata.